zrich_01

ramblings
2002-01-09 05:03:52 (UTC)

Hey

So this is my first time writing in one of these, but i've
read how it can be kind of theraputic to write stuff down
and get it off of your chest. Hmm, where to start?

Well, let's start with me. I'm 5'6, have dirty blond hair,
which is cut pretty short right now. I've been called
cute, and let me tell you how much that sucks. Everyone is
all "You're so cute" and shit. It really sucks when you're
everyone's good friend and absolutely no one's best friend
or boyfriend. I've been offered sex, a few times, but
there are still feelings that I'm sorting out. *****I cut this part
out cuz I felt like it***** The fact
that I haven't had a girl by my side since Zen doesn't
really help much either. Let's talk about her. Okay, she
was a really great girl, and in some ways I did love her,
and I guess she loved me too, but we never talked about
that since we broke up. I feel bad. She was crying on the
other end, and here I was sitting there with a bored look
on my face and an emotionless tone in my voice. Then I was
pretty much happy to be out of the relationship. It's not
that it was bad, it's just that it wasn't right anymore. I
know that she was pissed at me seeing as how we didn't
really talk or become friends for about another year, not
until our Government class anyway.
Then there are the other girls in my life. We'll start
with Lauren, seeing as how I go to college with her now
(which we'll start on later). Lauren is pretty cool, but
she just lets herself be dragged all over the place by
other people, and she seems as though there really is no
inner stuff. She has been getting a lot better at it though. I
don't really know how to explain it. Then
there is Becky, who I haven't talked to in a few months.
Becky and I were kind of close until she got involved with
Denis and Ang became pissed because Becky could handle her
problems better than she could, and subsequently started to
vote her off the island. Becky's family doesn't have much,
and she didn't have many options for school, and Ang makes
it seem as though since she didn't get away from home she's
the worst person in the world. Then there is Ang. Okay,
we are usually pretty off and on when it comes to
friendship. Recently though, it's been wierd. After we
got thoroughly plastered for her eighteenth, she barely
talked to me. And now she's all anti-alcohol, but it still
gives her no right to call me an alcoholic when i've gotten
drunk less than ten times. So fuck 'em. Oh, and i tried
pot 3 times. THREE! Of course now I'm the alcoholic-
pothead according to Ang and Whit. Whit. Let's start with
the fact that she thinks i'm telling the truth whenever I
talk to her. Did she miss the fact that I'm at Belmont for
Theatre, hence i can act, therefore lie, out of my ass? I
have never told anyone the whole truth, and we'll see if
you get to know it too, seeing as how one or two people i
know might be reading this (I know you are Zen ;) ) She
thinks she knows me so well, yet she has no idea. Kind of
like MTV's Diary, huh?

The last time I cried for me was Wednesday December 10th
around 3:in the afternoon. It was 1991.




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