jenabean

Open your eyes, it's time to wake up.

Here I go again. I am on yet another rampage of self
discovery through mystical experiences. For some reason or
another I am becoming ever so drawn to the side of the
unknown wanting itself to be known. In one instant I want
to know everything there is to know about Buddhism, the
next it's the Tao, then the Kabbalah, why not Wicca,
anything that deals with spirituality rather than the
religious. I find to many faults with organized religions
like Catholicism or Witnesses. I think that the greed of
their leaders far outweighs any good that could come of
their belief system. Kind of like our goverment, eh?
Anyhoo, I find myself slipping more and more out of reality
at times. I find that I have to ideas of reality, or more
accurately, I feel as if I have a glimpse of the truth and
that is awake. Whereas we are all sleeping now, living a
lie. Perhaps death is the true awakening, that may be why
so many fear it. Some can transcend it in this plane and
become awakened. Others cannot and can't wait to escape
the paing that they face here and they commit suicide. I
remember many times wanting to just run as fast as I could
towards that line and break through the membrane into that
next plane of existence. There are times as well, though
rare, when I fear that crossing. I know I have to deal
with myself and my mistakes. I also know that I will have
to experience my greatest fears so that I may overcome
them, if I have not done so in the plane. That I think is
going to suck real fucking bad, but that is the beauty of
it. I really can't wait until Spring! If it could always
be Spring and Fall. That's it, the two most beautiful
seasons. I like winter and summer too, it's just that they
are too extreme. I like the middle paths the best. Or at
least I am trying to. That seems to be the easiest way to
gain enlightenment. I am half rambling, I swear it would
make much more sense if I had the patience to explain it
all out to you. I wish I could just turn my thoughts to
film at times so that I could play out what I think and see
in my mind. I would love to see other people's thoughts
the same way. To compare, to see the underlying link
between all people. I find I have quite an obsession with
trying to get inside people's heads. It is such a raw
desire. The moment I meet someone, anyone, I just want to
get that one line of communication open that says, you can
open up, I am here to listen. Though I am just a person,
and not even a very good one at that, I love how the entire
demeanor of a person changes when they tell you something
that they think no one could ever forgive them for and you
tell them that it is okay, and they are just so relieved.
Perhaps some may view this as selfish, but I think it is
beautiful. If everyone on the planet could start to do
this, think of how wonderful everything would be. A lot of
the wrong people do is out of there fear of not being
forgiven and no one understanding them. Now I do believe
that people must pay for their wrongs, but how that comes
about is not up to us. Karma finds a way. Trust me.