writings on the wall
2002-01-08 15:40:04 (UTC)

Why do I have to be the last to know?

I felt like dying today when I heard it from my good
friend's own mouth that my ex has a new gf. It hurts so
bad! And I thought that he was just joking when he told me
that he has a gf, why am I so blind? When I asked him if he
was serious, he told he that he was and that he has a lot
of gfs now. How could this be? How could he has found
himself a new gf when I am still pining for him?

I remembered him saying that we should break up
because we won't last long and that he wasn't ready to give
up his bachelor life. So what the hell is all this? Every
morning when I wake up, I hope that this is some kinda sick
joke that he is playing on me. My friend saw the gal's
photo on top of his desk so I guess it's true. She said
that she's kinda pretty and sexy too. The more I knew about
her, the more I hate myself. God, sometimes I wish that I
had never started anything with him. Maybe my life would be
happier without him. Maybe I am not ready to have a r'ship
yet.Watever....what is done, cannot be undone.

I called him up and told him that I was at his place.
He told me that he was out with his friends. I asked him if
his gf was there and he said yes. He said that he'll call
me when he's back. I left my phone on but he didn't call.
He was the one who said that we can still be friends, why
does he not want to see me? The only explanation I can find
is that his gf doesn't allow him to do so. Why is it that I
always find all the excuses for him? It always end up
sounding like I am lying to myself. Please help me God!