faiien angei

a day in the life...
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2002-01-08 08:09:41 (UTC)

i wasnt promised a thing...

eugh. it's been a while hasnt it?

nothing is really going on.

i'm hell bent on the boy again. this is really going to
drive me insane.
he played a show on the 28th...first time i ever saw him
play...it made me happy to see him onstage doing what he
loves.

he rented a room at the bel age for an after party...
his ex gilfriend showed up before we left the bro...she saw
us hug and flipped a shit on him. she still likes him...she
thinks that we're his "LA Whores." ha ha funny.
he was all salty for a while...but once we got to the room
things were cool.
Tif, Annebel, Mike, Rob and i started playing ace to your
face...
somewhere along the lines of the evening, tif bet me a
dollar that i would end up in the bathroom making out with
him...i told her that it wouldnt happen.
:(
i thought i was over it...but she was right, i ended up
making out with him in the bathroom. ghetto. LOL
He told me that he hated me for making him really like
me...i asked him why that was such a bad thing and his
response was "because you dont like me"
ha ha ha ha. i had to try hard to prevent myself from
laughing. i told him that i liked him, but that he was mean
to me sometimes. then i brought up the time he yelled at
me. he apologzed and explained his actions and pretty much
justified the reasons behind everything that made me angry.
finally...communication.
i feel asleep in his arms that night.
tif drove me insane. she insisted on sleeping in between
the 2 of us...i was so close to throwing her off the
balcony. she knows how i feel about him and how happy i was
to be with him again...
she made such a big deal about sleeping next to him...it
was weird. he told her to move over so that i could lay
next to him.i rolled over to pull him closer to me and
found tifs arms around him. it kinda pissed me off, but i'm
not really too worried. he wouldnt touch her.
i like him more than ever now. it's really bad.
i know i'm going to end up falling in love with that boy. i
dont know how healthy that would be for me though.
On new years, i wanted to call him...tif told me to wait
until she was done talking so that she could wish him a
happy new year...i waited...then she insisted on talking to
him first...maybe i shoulndt be so territorial...but it's
hard since it's not really mine and he pits tif and i
against each other...
he saw my number on caller id, and he answered "hey baby. i
miss you sooo much!" of course i didnt get to hear it.
but he made sure to tell me when i got on the phone...
i havent talked to him since...it's been 6 days.
this is sooo hard.

found out the boss might quit and move to NYC to take
another job.
:(
i wouldnt stay at the company if she did. i need a more
financially secure job

i've been thinking alot lately about just leaving LA all
together. Chicago maybe...
but when i start thinking about it, i realize that i would
never see the boy again.
i couldnt imagine...
maybe he'd go on tour with slipknot again and come through
town...my only chance at seeing him...under such horible
conditions too.

i e-mailed PG to congratulate him on the grammy nom. i hope
he didnt get it. i was having a weak moment when i sent
it. i hate him. i hope he loses.
i'm horrible.


i feel like a little girl...so weak from being
sick...smitten by a boy...i havent felt this all around
vaulnerable in a long time.

Du Hast Mich is going to drive me insane. I'm going to
start getting offended if he really thinks that i'm stupid
enough to give him another chance.

i told him on sat. that the only reason i agreed to let him
take me to a movie was becuase of the fact that he never
follows though with anything. then he tried to buy me a
rose...but i told him that i didnt want anything from him.
he's called 3 times since sat. begging to take me to the
movies.

I've even told him about the boy, and told him that i wasnt
interested in anyone else...he didnt get it. he told me
that he was convincd that somewhere, deep down, i still had
feeling for him and that he was going to keep diggin until
he found it.

i told him that he could dig away all he wanted but that he
would never find it because it didnt exsist.


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