fucked up
2002-01-08 08:02:06 (UTC)


I let karen read what i wrote. she said that she had
msged me some comments about it. But someone at my house
turned off my fucking computer so now i don't have any
idea what she said. im kinda nervous. i don't know if i
should be expecting a yea i thought you were trying to
break us up, or a don't worry i've just been thinking
about alot lately. I am really woried that its going to be
something like" you bitch you thought that what you wrote
would make me think diffrenttly you are trying to break us
up and i dont' want to ever talk to you again. I am sure
she wouldn't say that. or think it i just don't like
being misunderstood. it seems like my intentions always
seem to get turned around against me. I try to help
people and they think that i am thinking that they are
lower than me. i try to stay out of peoples buisness and
they think i don't care about them. i try to tell people
what i think they need to know and instead of thinking
that im trying to be honest they think that i don't like
them and am trying to hurt them. that sux. i hate is
when you do whatever you can to help people and they just
think your trying to help yourself. i know that i should
not tell people things unless i did it. but its hard. i
think that if someone is cheating on someone els the
person who is being cheated on shuld know. and if the
person cheating doesn't tell them then i feel like i have
the responsibility to tell them. Im going to try not to
do that to sandee. i am not going to tell the person she
is with that she slept with eric. it has nothing to do
with me. I need to stay out of it. damn thats so easy to
say yet hard to do.
I have no idea what to do with eric. i really do love
him but i don't want to go out with him. i do not want to
be in a monogomous relationship. he said i could do
anything with a girl. just not a boy. although that isn't
being monogomous i still don't want that. chances are i
don't think i will do anything with a guy for a long time.
women are much more fun. but that isn't the point i want
to have the choice to do whatever i want when i want to.
I want to be able to at least slightly do things spure of
the moment. i don't know why i don't want to go back out
with eric. i just don't. Garrett was right. he said i
was sending out mixed signals. I really need to try not
to do that. but its really hard not to. excpetially when
you are having mixed feelings. i don't know what i want
and what i don't want. i am 89% sure that i don't want to
go back out with eric though. i really need him in mylife
though. he just can't handle being JUST friends. FUCK
ME. why does everything always have to be so confusing
and complicated??? well im off now. lata.