sweetaddiction

from my today

i am so completly in love with her.

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another thing sandra said tonight...

"i dont look at change as a bad thing, just
opportunity....unlike you ashley."
"yes. unlike me. you seem to forget hun that logic doesnt
fan my emotions. emotions do. and you you were the one who
taught me that nothing i felt, could be wrong."

or how about...
"i never hated you. i was just bitter. you made me cry. you
told me that you hated me because i wasnt feeling anything.
when i was. i just couldnt let you see that. i wanted you
to look upon it all as a good thing. a healthy thing."

"yes well. when youre in love with someone and you dont see
them go through any stress when they break up with you.
dont you think that that would fuck with you sandy. and
yes. i did hate you for that."

"i couldnt let you see me cry."
"why."

yeah yeah.
fake drama shit man.
gr.

she DID feel shit man and i NEVER knew. ever. i didnt
fucking know. and how exactly was i supposed to...how. when
she was already fucking someone else. you know. and showed
no signs of missing me or being upset. after 8 months.

fuck all of that.

fuck her for putting me through that when it was really
beyond not necessary.

but you know.

writing about this is a release...yes.
but at the same time.
this is not something that is going to play over and over
again in my mind like all the shit with her did before.

that year did me good.
and yeah she fucked up.
and im just glad.
i got to tell her how.
even if she doesnt understand it.

"oh...you fight with her. i guess thats healthy...i wouldnt
know. i never fight with my girlfriends."

yeah but you know.

i am glad that i fight with emily.
i am.
fuck yeah i am.
you know...
all of this in retrospect.
i would much rather have some sort of feeling associated
with actions and whatever else.
rather than
nothing.
rather than
thoughtout fucking daniel steel mind rationalizing bullshit.

i never really thought about that before...

thank you emily.
so much for that.

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