ivee

These Days
2002-01-08 00:53:16 (UTC)

It's just what's on my mind!

It's been more that a couple of days this time, hasn't been
much I felt like talking about but here I sit ready to get
something off of my mind. It's bothersome to me because it
makes me feel selfish in a way, it is quite a long story
but please bare with me. A few years back we learned that
after an operation my father was dying of colon cancer. It
was okay for the first year or so when I would take him to
receive kemo and radiation but when it stopped working is
when I went into shock and then denile. We brought him home
from the hospital to take care of him. None of us would
have it any other way. I COULDN'T go over to see him. The
days I did go over it seemed as though he already passed.
He just kept getting weaker and weaker until the point he
could no longer do for himself. It was so hard, this was my
father, the man who no matter what made sure that we always
had a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, and food
in our mouths. For those first few months of his illness my
sister was the one who took on most of the responsiblity of
his care(taking CHARGE is more like it). My dad had 4 kids,
we all took care of him the way we wanted to do it. No one
wanted our older sister barking orders at us. Meanwhile she
thought pumping him full of morphine and other meds to make
him sleep was care. To make an extreamly long story shorter
we are now dealing with yet another illness in our family,
this time it's my mother. She suffers from manic
depression. MANIC DEPRESSION...I don't want you to confuse
this with regular depression. An illness that alot of
people don't understand they much rather pass judgement and
call the person nuts or psycho. Yeah I admit to someone who
never had to deal with a mental illness in their family
before might find behavior in a person like that a little
odd. But the truth is they would never in a million years want to
walk 1 mile in her shoes! So next time you find it so easy to call
someone with this illness pshyco think again. We all agreed that she
should be seen by another doctor because the one she was seeing was
taking her off of medication she needed and putting her on what she
didn't need. My mother was a complete mess! My sister once again
wants to TAKE CHARGE of the situation and to avoid any
arguements I am letting her. But if she calls me one more
day and tells me that I need to do this or that I think I
am going to scream. I will do anything to help out but you
don't act like that, you work together as a family and a
team not a boss and employee! I told her that way back when
and she played it as though if she didn't do it no one
would. I will check in on my mother to make sure she is
able to care for herself but I refuse to let my sister do
this to our family one more time. Our father has since
passed (which was our learning expeirence, but we managed
and I'm sure he's proud of all of us) and now we have the
chance to do it right by doing what's best for our mother.




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