Nellie

fucked up
2002-01-07 11:45:34 (UTC)

to my best friend

I am sorry. so so so so so sorry. I have this problem
where i only think about myself when i feel attacked. i
don't think"hmm she must be really hurting to say that" i
think "what a bitch!! who the fuck does she think she is
to say that??? excpecially since she has the same
problem" I really want to help you. i want to help you.
We can not do this forever. I swear to god that we try
and creat fights with each other just to see how long
the'll last. We have not ever had one thats lasted more
than a week. This one has kind of but its like no problem
bitch, i love you, selfish, wanna go for a cig???? . that
kind of thing. we fight then don't realize anyhting is
wrong. that or els we hide it. i know we are both good
at hiding things. i am not mad at you for sleeping with
eric. i was woried that you might have an std. that was
it. What you two did has nothing to do with me. at that
time not only were we not going out...we weren't even
friends. Now i think that we are friends. although i
know that he doens't have any std's i still don't know
that i want to have sex with him again. i really just
would like to be friends. but what if that doesn't work.
then i guess we'll see then. I love you sandee. Always
have always will. i don't know whats going on in your
head. if you would let me in i would be happy to know.
as for mine...i put more in my diary than i do my heart.
half the shit i say i don't realize that i even say. not
just with the diary but all the time. i say something and
then forgett 4 minutes later. it sux. i hurt people by
doing it. I love you babes and i don't mean to hurt you.
i don't mean to hurt anyone but that always happens
anywayz.
* I can not save you. i can't even save my selfy.ou can
not save me. You can't even save your self. so just save
your self. And i'll save myself*
i love you babes