Skating on the innerstate.
2002-01-07 01:31:00 (UTC)

Stale Pez SUCK

"agenda suicide...the drods work hard before they die" (the
faint - agenda suicide) hey guys. sorry about the last
entry. it was just one of those times i talk about and deal
with too much. we have no school tomorrow. thats good i
guess. I heard about the 15 year old that commited suicide
by ramming a plane into the building in tampa. the more i
find out the more i want to know. its like this sick
addiction. i feel worse and worse for him. people say he
liked bin laden and everything, but thats not really why he
commited suicide, he was lonely, utterly alone
(beetlejuice) and for one reason or another i just feel
like if that happened to someone i know and i never said
anything that i would have to kill myself because it would
be so horrible. thats how i feel about a kid that lives two
doors down from me. everyone makes fun of both of us but
for some reason i don't think he can take it. i think i am
going to write him a note and tell him if he ever needs
anything to call. he might think i'm hitting on him, but i
could careless. maybe i just like to find people like that
and feel like i am helping them. i know that i would want
someone to help me if anyone knew what i was going through.
thats the thing. i just look like this happy person and
sometimes i feel like i belong dead. honestly, that sounds
out there, but its so true. i feel so damn worthless.
dammit i hate this. i hate this feeling i hate these
thoughts i hate all of this. do you know that? do you know
how much i wish i was out there with everyone else? how
much iwish i wasn't siting here in this position? you
people think you understand me and that this is normal
bullshit. god dammit i can't stand it anymore. i don't like
being depressed i don't like hearing "are you okay?" i
don't like being patted on the back by teachers and fake
smiles and the whole deal. i wish i had some real friends
that cared about me, no, better yet i wish those two people
were here with me and not 5 fucking states away. do you
know that? this isn't normal.do you understand that? this
isn't normal!!!! i feel like this is hopeless. and it is
dammit, it is. have you ever prayed to die? i have, i have.

bitter and alone,


staind "for you"

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