a little piece of me
Ad 0:
2002-01-06 20:29:52 (UTC)

damn emotions

ok, i give up. i guess i'm just going to have to accept
the fact that i'm a friggin nutcase. yesterday was an
exceptionally shitty day, and i was a total bitch to
brett. i know it's no excuse, but i turn into a royal pain
in the ass when i'm depressed. i hate that someone has to
see me this way. before, i could just hide away, being
that i live alone. it's tough having someone around all
the time. i feel like i have to hide who i really am. i
think that's true. there's no way anyone would like the
real me. i'm not a very good person at all. i'm very
emotional, whether i'm depressed or not. i feel way too
much. and i think about things too much, too. i can turn
some totally innocent comment into something terrible, just
because i over think and over analyze everything. i just
don't get myself sometimes. most of the time. all of the
time. sigh..i'm such an idiot.

i guess i'm going to quit trying to fight the depression
from now on. i'll just let it be what it will. sure i'll
be miserable company, but hell, that's already the case
now. i don't care if i lose everyone. besides, the people
that i'm friends with now are friends with someone i'm
pretending to be. i don't want that anymore. i truly
believe that i am destined to be alone. i'm going to be,
as brett so elegantly put it the other day, a dried up old
lady...well, not totally alone i guess. i plan on having
lots of animals. hmm..well, i suppose that's about all i
have to say. my finger hurts (burned it last night), so
typing is a little difficult.


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