2002-01-06 05:16:57 (UTC)

its over

i guess what will always make me mad is not that you'll
never be my boyfriend, it's that i always feel so stupid
when i'm with you. i always feel like i'm a little girl
who's trying so hard to tag along, but who keeps getting
shooed away.

it's when i move closer to you, but you only move farther
away. and when i try so hard to look pretty to impress you,
but you don't see me at all. that's when i feel so
ridiculous and stupid that i hate myself for being like

i know you want it to be over and that's what hurts so bad.
is that you want it to be over more than anything and that
i would do anything to have it back. i know you hate that
feeling in your stomach when we fight, and believe me, so
do i, but i hate this lump in my throat that's holding back
a well of tears because i'm trying to convince myself that
it's over.

it shouldn't be this hard to convince myself it's over. and
if we were meant to be, then i shouldn't have to wait until
you get to college for you to realize that you miss me,
that you miss us.

and when i woke up the other morning and realized how close
prom was, i realized i wouldn't have a date this year. and
that i don't even know if i'd want to go with you- someone
who "just wants it to be over." it's going to be a very
special night for me, and i know when i walk in i want to
feel like the prom committee and the council did a
wonderful job, but i want someone special to share that
with, and i'm not sure i want it to be the person who is
dying for it to be over; the person who avoids my slightest
touch at all costs- no, the person who CRINGES when i brush
up against him; the person who will never think i'm
beautiful and the person who just plain and simple doesn't
want me. you tell me WHY on earth i would want to share
something like that with him. and then i'll tell you why i
miss you so much even when you're only two inches away.