faraway

faraway
2002-01-06 04:38:11 (UTC)

The miscommunications of love

I really don't want Josh to leave me. I'm going to miss
him so much. I don't remember what I did before I met him
and I don't know what i would do if I didn't have him now.
I swear, he's so good to me he's going to ruin me for all
my future relationships. I just don't see how a person
could get that lucky more than once.
It was so funny last night...we were laying in bed with
the lights off listening to dave matthews. I was kind of
floating off with the music and I said "I love dave"...and
then a couple seconds later Josh says softly, "I love you
too". We both lay there with funny expressions for an
awkward moment, as we figured out what the other person had
said. Then Josh said, "Wait a second, what did you say?".
Hehehe. He tried to say nevermind, but it was too late.
Awhile later he said it again though. I didn't. Sometimes I
think I love him, I'm sure that that there will soon come a
time when I know I do, but right now I'm not quite there
yet.
Tomorrow is the last time we see each other before he
leaves for the six week deployment. We're going to a movie
with Jack and a guy I'll call Justin (all my pseudonyms are
going to be J names so don't get confused), Beautiful Mind
I think is the one we're seeing, and then just me and Josh
are going to go to the beach. I might spend the night.
I do not want to hang out with Justin. The other night we
saw him when he was really slurry drunk, and he kept on
going on saying, when's the wedding, when are you two going
to get hitched. He's telling me about how ever since Josh
met me they never get to spend time together anymore, bla
bla bla. And then I said, "well, he's here now..." and
Justin says in a really bitchy tone "only because you let
him be," as if I control everything Josh does or something.
I just don't like him.
I love falling asleep in Josh's arms. It feels so nice
and relaxing, like I can let everything go. And the
absolute ultimate is falling asleep when he's giving me a
full body massage...mmm. I cannot imagine what I did to
deserve him, he is simply the sweetest man I've ever met.
And so handsome.
I remember there was a time when I didn't think I was
pretty enough for a man to truly want me. And now I have
this beautiful someone who tells me I look so fine in the
mornings, that he loves every part of my body. I almost
feel like I'm being duped or something, like it can't be
real.
He gave me a gorgeous pen and ink picture of a cat
stalking through the forest that he drew for me, because he
knows I love cats. Pretty soon I'm going to put all the
pictures and paintings that he's given me up on my wall,
they're too nice not to be up there where I can see them.




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