Unholy and Dirty and Beautiful Me
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2001-04-11 05:54:34 (UTC)

Sweet Surrender...

I've given up on trying to resist C.G., he's far too good
not too. I'm not sure what it is that I'm so attracted to.
He is very good looking and dresses well, but I think it's
more than that.. He's confident, I like that. He's straight-
forward, I like that too. He's got this super-masculine way
about him, and I like it a lot. He's interesting..I like
The attraction has always been there, I remember class
with him in high school, Ms.Jonson's English Class. It was
an incredibly boring class, and I didn't speak to C.G. much
really, we sat across the room from eachother and I'd
sometimes catch him glaring back at me when I sneaked an
admiring glance his way. His dark, sharp eyes would just
burn into me and I'd turn away..afraid to look again. The
few times we did spark up a conversation, it was always
brief small-talk. Nothing that would stick out in my mind
under usual circumstances, but there was something about
him that kept him on my mind.
One night, at a party in town, he called me over from
across the fire and we spent the rest of the night chatting
away. He told me then that he'd always had a thing for me,
which as flattering as it was, meant very little as I was
in a good relationship w/ D.D. at the time. From that point
on, C.G. would make the occasional phone call to my house
and we'd chat for a bit. He asked me out several times but
I was obviously in the middle of something else and I
couldn't help but blow him off.
Another time, at another party, just last summer shortly
after my b/u w/ D.D., I saw C.G. from afar. He was talking
w/ some blonde girl, so I left him alone, figured it was
now he who was in the middle of something else. I ended up
hooking up w/ D.B. that night, and later on ran into C.G.
BAD TIMING I'll call it. Gave him my new phone number, but
went home w/ D.B. that night and dated him for a couple of
months before he took off to The Island.
I didn't see C.G., or hear anything from him, for a few
months. In October I was waitressing at an event he
happened to attend and we exchanged smiles and quick hellos
(I wasn't serving him, someone else got him first) but he
later bugged one of my coworkers about wanting to be my
date for the staff party later that night. Single, shy
little me, I blushed when I heared the conversation and
turned away. I later told the girl I wouldn't mind hooking
up, I guess she passed along the message 'cause he called a
couple of weeks later.
So it was then, Nov.2000, when we first dated. Went on for
about 2 months, we spent the holidays together and things
were going well, or so I thought. Then C.G. got distant,
and I tried to work things out, but without success. He was
going through a difficult time and couldn't handle a full-
time relationship with me. So, I gave up on him and wrote
him off as one big case of bad timing and did my best to
forget about him.
About 2 months passed and I ran into C.G. again. Had
nothing to say to him and didn't say a word till he came
and asked me to talk to him. Wound up in his car for about
an hour, throwing words back and forth, trying to figure
out what went wrong. Decided we should try and be friends.
Been trying. That was about 2 weeks ago. We've wound up in
the sack on two drunken occasions, but have managed to
spend some quality sober time hanging out a few times.
Tonight, C.G. came over with a movie and KFC, we hung out
for awhile and then he left. Said he'd call tomorrow. I
wish he'd stay, as neither of us have to be anywhere in the
morning, but I know it's better that we don't rush things.
Gotta try and be friends, who knows where it'll take us,
but I sure hope he'll stick around for awhile.

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