my crazy life, check it out...
Ad 0:
2001-04-11 03:07:53 (UTC)

My first time....:)

Hey, I don't even know if anyone is going to be reading
this, I just love to get my feelings out. I feel as though
noone ever listens to me, or yet I cannot talk to anyone
about anything. So much stuff has changed in my life. Noone
is the same anymore. I was reminded tonight of how much of
a loser I am, because I don't take the time out to say hi
or call up friends from the past, well do they take their
time????? no, no way in hell do they. I have written
letter, sent pictures, sent thinking of you cards. I don't
get anything. And I get ignored by them and they act like
jerks, so what am I supposed to think?? I don't know.
People change so quick. I guess, as they say I have too.
And I know I have. I have changed in two ways: good and
bad. Good: because I have found the love of my life and I
am not into smoking and drinking and partying and messing
around w/guys heads, I am mature. And mainly bad: because I
am reminded of my bad experiences in the past from enemies
and people who don't give up, and my lost friendships. My
life seems so messed up and it seems like I can't talk
about it to anyone. Does anyone feel me? I feel like a
loser just writing away on some computer. I use to write in
my own personal diary but I have lost the time. But this
seems much better in some odd way. I don't know? Because
maybe there is someone who I can relate to or something and
I just love to read a real persons entry into their own
private life. it is rather interesting. Unlike my life. I
feel so out of touch now. I have my boyfriend, but I feel
like I am missing something else and I don't know what????
He always thinks that since he is going away for 6 months
that I'll find "Mr Perfect" well I know I won't I have been
done searching for "Mr. Perfect" I have found it in him.
But he don't listen. Somehow I feel like we need more
better communication skills. I don't know? I am a meek and
gentle person when it comes to confronting people. I am a
pussy. I am. I am so sensitive to everything. I get scared
because I hate to hurt people and say what is on my mind,
until later on when I am by myself or in my car alone and
then I go off on a rampage talking to myself/crying,
whatever. And I speak my mind. Tim, my bf has taught me
sort of to be more aggressive and to speak up of how I
feel. But I am like that. I get it from my mom i guess. I
was always scared of having enemies or people mad at me,
but now I just don't care. Yes, if I see them I kind of get
that feeling in my stomach where my stomach sinks but I
don't do anything. or I don't waste my time trying to patch
things up with people that are too bull-headed to even talk
things out, I always come acrossed those people, girls
mostly. Oh well. It is 11:05 and this is my first entry. I
think I wrote enough so far. I could go on and on. But I
have to wake up at 6 something to go to work at 7. Which
sux!!! And I am gonna chat to tim at 11:30.... I'll be
back. night night all:) Please respond if ya want!! :)