XhalfjapanesegirlX

I'd give my heart to just be in contention, but i sold it off at a baseball card convention.

Hey. Its saturday, so it can't be that bad. "leave me where
i am, i'm only sleeping. everybody seems to think i'm lazy,
i don't mind, I think they're crazy. please don't spoil my
day, i'm miles away, and i'm only sleeping." (the
vines "i'm only sleeping"). alright, i guess i should say a
bit about myself, i'm sarah, but you can call me andy. i'm
16 and live in hell. thats enough of that, lets move on.
Don't get too worked up if you see some crazy stuff on here
because i'm not the most sane person in the world, and i'm
pretty damn proud of that too. honestly, i don't know why
anyone would want to be average, none-the-less be content
at average, or stride just to be average. I guess its the
same as people showing off or anything else just to be
higher in the ladder of...well...society? well more like
popularity actually. oh yeah, and theres one more rule to
this diary deal, i'm not going to use backspace or delete,
cause if i wrote it, then it should stay. I'm single, and
its really okay, because i got out of a bad relationship
not too long ago, and it kinda makes me want to never be in
a relationship again, but i know that i probably will be,
someday. "i want a girl who will laugh for no one else,
when i'm away she puts her make-up on the shelf, when i'm
away she never leaves the house...i want a girl who laughs
for no one else." (weezer "no one else). i don't really
want a girl, yeah thats a surprise to about half of you out
there because i tell everyone i'm a lesbian just for kicks.
haha yeah that just isn't too popular right there, i guess
i am opposite from everyone else, if someone laughs at my
jokes or starts talking to me...i don't like it. that
sounds really messed up, but its very true, i mean besides
my friends i guess. and that category is actually pretty
scarce at the moment, which is very much okay with me. one
thing that does get to me is when people outwardly talk
about me with other people in front of me but won't ever
talk to me or say anything to me. if you don't know me, i'm
5 feet tall and 3/4th of an inch, and i weigh maybe 100
pounds, i'm really not scary at all. yet, people are
seriously scared of me. earlier this year some girl thought
that i was going to beat her up, i mean, what the hell, i
have never talked to her, i don't even know her name. yeah
i'm a fierce cat. "we were good as married in my mind, but
married in my minds no good" (weezer- pink triangle). my
fingers are really cold...and i even have gloves
on..ahhh...i'm dying...dying i tell you. alright no more
dramatics. that brings up another thing, i don't want to be
married, none-the-less have kids. i mean, i wish my parents
didn't have kids and i don't think my kids would be any
better than i am basically because if i actually do marry
someone, i don't think they are going to be anymore sane
than i am (which isn't saying much at all). i wanna learn
how to play the cello, seriously, that would be really
awesome. i don't think anyone else in america or in the
world as a 16 year old person like me would think that, but
i guess i'm just cool like that "how cool is that?"
(weezer "el scorcho" (still one of my favorite songs)).
weezer is coming to raleigh on feb. 22nd with ozma and STD.
if i don't go i am gonna shoot myself, and i'm really not
kidding, yet again, even if i do go i might shoot myself,
and i might not even make it to feb 22nd, so there you go,
take it as you will. people say life is about the journey
and not the destination, that is serious bullshit. cause if
everyone only thought about the journey then everyone would
be commiting suicide left and right because bad shit
happens, you know? well, i do. don't get me wrong, i'm not
saying my life is horrible and i just want to die, but i am
saying that life can be pretty bad sometimes, honestly, i
think about all of this all the time, ut thats because i
have a problem, if you haven't noticed. i'm trying to get
better though. currently i'm trying to decide whether or
not to tell my friends. a couple know, but not many. i
actually found out that this guy that will remain nameless
actually liked me, but thought i was too depressed and i
would bring him down. see thats the kind of stuff that
makes things hopeless...fuck, lets talk about something
else, because i have to return to the prison in 4
hours. "its time i got back to the good life" (=w= "good
life") . i think people are going to get sick of my music
references...but do i care? uhh...not at allllll. lets see,
what to talk about. i'm a junior. wahoo. its really a
boring year, you just have to have all these damn people
shoving papers down your throat while you try to focus on
something else. for me, thats friends, my two good friends,
not to put anyone else down or anything. but i have two
good friends that i plan to go to college with and live
with as soon as i get out of this hell hole. well i'll be
back later. see ya kids.

bitter and alone,

sarah/andy

geggy tah "whoever you are"