2002-01-05 10:55:26 (UTC)


Well Justene just left my house. It is 2:30 in the morning
and she just left. She was going to walk home and I said
that if she ever did then I would never speak to her again.
I told her I would giver her a ride or she could wait until
the morning. Well instead she took a cab. While she was
sitting on the sidewalk waiting for her cab I fucking told
her never to fucking look at me again, don't ever talk to
me and that if I found anything of hers I will give it to
someone else to give to her. She is exactly like Christine.
Both promised they wouldn't leave me, and look, I was
right. They both left me and I don't understand it.
Christine, well I put her through a "test" and she did end
up leaving me. But I really didn't think Justene would have
left this easily or this fast. I didn't even get the chance
to see if she could handle it. I was just having a bitchy
day (I am like this almost every day now) and hey, it was
her own free fucking will. I have to stop loosing everyone
though. I mean I am pretty fucking alone now. I really want
to kill myself, but at this exact moment, I am enjoying the
fact where I don't have anyone around, and I can laugh, and
I can cry, and it is alright. I want to just curl up and
cry right now. I am finding out so much shit about everyone
else, and it is bugging me so bad. I can't trust anyone
anymore and I just flipped out and almost punched a hole
through my wall. I think I need help and I think that I
need it before I see Leanne on the 9th. What am I supposed
to do though. I don't know who to call and if I call a
crisis line then what the hell am I supposed to say? I
fucking can't do this anymore. I am sick and fucking tired
of it all..........

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