out of reach
Ad 0:
https://monometric.io/ - Modern SaaS monitoring for your servers, cloud and services
2002-01-05 05:58:21 (UTC)

start over, its no way to begin

i wrote in my journal on new year's when i was drunk so i
could keep myself awake and look after cortney. i don't
remember what i wrote because i erased it the next day.
anyway, i guess i forgot to close the window and jess found
my journal. and i guess i wrote some things that hurt
her. self expression is a bitch.

i don't know. i know there were some things in there that
weren't nice but i write when i'm most emotional. the more
emotional i am the more irrational i am. i was reading
through most of my entries and i couldn't help but see all
the entries where i said "i miss jess, i love jess, i wish
we were close like we used to be." sure there were some
other things said but fuck me, no one's perfect. there's
little things about everyone that i don't like, that
doesn't mean i don't still love and accept them. i don't
know, i think she got really upset and i regret ever
writing anything about her or any of my other friends. but
the worst part is the best solution would be to give up my
journal. but i can't. it keeps me sane. it helps me
rationalize my life. it gives me something to do. i don't
know. i just wish jess were home so i could apologize and
straiten things out. i really hope our friendship doesn't
end over this because i love her and i'm looking forward to
so much with her. she's one of my best friends and
although we have our differences i want her to always be a
part of my life. misunderstandings suck!

well as much as i feel guilty for changing the subject i
have to talk about something that happened tonite. i went
to the movies with holly and erin and then to applebee's in
parsippany and who do i see??? DENNIS!! it was crazy
because as soon as i saw him, all the feelings i had for
him came rushing back to me. i got butterflies in my
stomach and my hands started shaking. it was so cute too.
when i first said hi to him he was just like oh my god its
you! then we talked for a bit and he said he'd stop by my
table later. so after he was finished with his meal he
came over and sat next to me and we sorta caught up with
each other a bit. his smile was so beautiful and his eyes
just looked so happy. i felt like i was in love. then he
gave me a hug goodbye and left. then i kicked myself in
the head for not giving him my number. oh well, but boy
was it great to see him.

Try a free new dating site? Short sugar dating