2002-01-05 05:48:19 (UTC)

its even breathable and for a moment the relief is unbelievable

this not breathing shit sucks. its getting better though,
i can tell. im bored. carolines really sick now so shes
sleeping. i gave her medicine and she was restless so i
made her a bath and then she passed out to sleep. thats
good so she can get better. i dont think i wrote that she
fucked up the other car the other night. the bad-bad night
when i saw navin and richard fucked up his car and stuf.
yeah. she was racing. thats just brilliant, you know, i
dont know. UGH. she has to be more careful. but she
wont. fucking aquarius'.
and gus. what. gus called me when i was at adams all
upset. and then tonight online i was like are you feeling
any better and he was like a bit i guess, and he was like
we're all about to go to the movies if you wana come and i
was like what. no. my lungs are infected. and he was like
oh well if you get bored being home and sick i can come
keep you company. what! and we were talking about this
summer the night he and people spent the night and him and
i were up all morning talking about shit. we used to have
good talks this summer. hes a smart kid just stupid you
know. and he was like well i'll give you a call tomorrow.
um okay. im supposed to go take pictures with naomi and
dawn and rachel tomorrow. naomi's really cool. she should have
come along at another time. a more single time. oh yeah i
guess she did this summer but i was already kinda liking
caroline. dawns all about that, shes like "you and naomi blah blah
blah" right dawn.. she doesnt seem a whole lot of interested in me
anyway... well anyway. theres lots of people i guess. i just have
always been kinda interested in her, she seems like someone i could
like a lot... like she seems like a good person to me. anyway.
i saw ashley for a little bit today. that is always good. i
was thinking i would see her again later tonight but i
didnt she went to see sandy for the first time in forever
and it ended up taking a while. i called to check on her
and she was doing okay thats good im glad it wasnt shitty,
i really thought it would be. i made her a cd=) it has
songs i thought she would like and songs that remind me of
her and stuf. im bored. bored bored bored. my mom really
really makes me mad. i have to take more medicine i
think. i didnt write. she took me to the doctor.
everyone i know has been trying to get me to go for soo so
long and i have been coughing so bad she finally took me
yesterday she made me go i didnt want to but she made me
and they took my blood and gave me an antibiotic shot and
medications and an inhaler and said my lungs are infected
and i have bronchitis and my white blood cell count is
really high. that was mad points for her later, i was not
happy at the time but afterwards i was like damn. except
she shouldnt have spent the money and the next pay check i
cash i'm giving to her even if she doesnt want to take it,
she doesnt have the money for that shit now. anyway.
i yelled at richard=( he was like "wana chill" and i was
like "no what the fuck so you can bring navin around me
again" and he was like "im sorry i didnt think it was that
big of a deal" and i was like "well it is" and he was
like "i'm really sorry" and then i ignored him. i feel
bad. i feel mad too because he's been spending the night
at DC's house. shes a fuckin ho bag dude shes like fucking
around with adam and richard and it pisses me off
hardcore. all those kids are so stupid for real. im guna
apply to ucf really soon and i hope i get in so i can move
out there.
i was reading all these old letters today. from katie and
from navin and from robin and from ashley. wow.. it made
me feel weird about matt, some of them. i dont want to go
back to school because i dont want to see him. especially
if he's with this girl now. i really really dont. i dont
want to care and i dont want him near me. i dont want him
being an asshole, i dont want him ignoring me, i dont want
him being nice, i dont want any of it i want him far far
away where he cant have any kind of impact on me.
well this is long and im still bored so i guess i'll go to
sleep now. nothing left to do tonight.