the one who got away

lost somewhere inside of me
2002-01-05 05:19:08 (UTC)

all i have are tears

DAD,

This night has been re-lived too many times so I knew I
would have to write this because I would never get it out
in words. This song says it all.

Sometimes is never quite enough
If you’re flawless, then you’ll win my love
Don’t forget to win first place
Don’t forget to keep that smile on you face

Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You’ve got to measure up
And make me prouder

How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up?
With everything I do for you
The least you could do is keep quiet

Be a good girl
You’ve got to try a little harder
That simply wasn’t good enough
To make us proud

I’ll live through you
I’ll make you what I never was
If you’re the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I’m doing this for your own damn good
You’ll make up for what I blew
What’s the problem…why are you crying?

Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn’t fast enough
To make us happy
We’ll love you just the way you are if your perfect

I have never known what it was like to feel
accepted by you. I have never known that anything I did was
ever appreciated. Every time you would say “thank you” or
give off the impression that you were proud of me it was
followed by criticism of how it could have been better and
I was shot back down. It was never good enough for you.
I’ve lived my entire existence in fear of you. Always
wondering if your anger might strike me one day. Other than
emotionally. I have cried myself to sleep so many nights
and tied myself in knots trying to be beyond perfect just
for you. But once again it’s never enough. I find myself
hoping and praying constantly that I don’t treat others the
way you treat me. I don’t ever want my children to live in
fear of me or to feel the way that you make me feel.
NONEXISTENT. I don’t get any respect from you and you
wonder why I show you less and less. You get upset and
frustrated when I don’t talk to you or spend time with you
but it’s never a pleasant experience. It always ends with
me in tears and feeling even less of a person. I love you
more than anything and want nothing more than to be truly
loved in return. I want for you to compliment me on the
good instead of dwelling on the bad all the time. Everyone
makes mistakes and I always own up to mine it would be nice
to hear you recognize when you are wrong instead of leaving
me with the feeling that I need to mend our relationship
before something happens that I can’t.


I LOVE YOU
Kelly

just to let you all know how life is.......in the beautiful pixie
world