a NOT so shallow kind of girl....
2002-01-05 01:57:04 (UTC)

The REAL meaning of life.......

When i sit down and really think about it I realize that
my problems are really small compared to everything...i
mean i can sit down and bitch forever and ever about how
James has broken my heart ...but then i ask myself WHY???
i mean everyday people are dieing and being killed and i
am sitting here complaining about how some guy doesnt like
me...WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!?? I feel so selfish...

I sit here at home sometimes and just think about
everything...what do i have to complain about? I have a
warm house..wonderful parents and I go to a great
school...There are people out there that can even afford
to eat and i am depressed over SOME GUY! i really am

OK i am gonna change subjects....What is the meaning of
life...i mean we live and then we die...whats the point?
I guess i seem kinda shallow ...i am just writing down
random thoughts sorry...How do we know who we really are
if we spend our whole lives trying to be what society
wants us to be...trying to fit into some perfect mold..why
cant we just be ourselves?? tring to fit into some
mold that we ourselves have created ..we LOSE who we
ARE!..I am utterly lost...i feel like i am walking around
in a dark room and i will NEVER find my way out...i am
looking for something that i will never find..maybe its
myself...maybe its acceptance...maybe its love...i dont
think i know...How are you supposed to find yourself if
you dont even know where to begin?

Do you ever feel like you are in a deep hole and you are
trying to find your way out but no matter what you do you
cant seem to climb out? I think that is how i feel right
now...I am looking for a ladder...a stairway...a
hand..something to help me escape from this hole but i
cant seem to find anything! It makes me so mad...i dont
want to be like this...i WANT TO UNDERSTAND!

I have friends..i have AWESOME friends but i dont think
even they could help me....i think this is a battle that
you have to fight and win for yourslef...yourself
alone...i think it is something everyone has to go through
to figure out who THEY are...maybe it isnt exactly what i
am feeling right now but SOMETHING!!! I just hope i will
dig my way out soon....

Thanks for listening to me ramble :)

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