Stream of Consciousness
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2002-01-04 23:17:16 (UTC)

My Stream of Consciousness Experiment begins...

What follows is a style of writing called Stream of
Consciousness. If you don't know what that is, go
googling. Enjoy.

My job sucks
My job sucks
I don't code
I don't code
I just do pointless crap
I should write a script to do it
Would I still have to show up?
What would Einstein think of me?
Was he happy working in a patent office?
Did anybody realize his potential - even himself?
Does anybody REALLY know their own potential?
Tool rocks
What would I ask A.E.?
Why was Aristotle so damned smart?
Do you think the higher-ups are reading this as I type it?
NT really sucks without admin priv
What should I code?
I've started many a project, none seen through to fruition
did i spell fruition right?
i work mostly in java, maybe i should try and migrate some
of my old projects to Tk, Qt, or something like that
C is a different beast altogether
wonder if Jordan will whip-up on the bulls tonite
i should email JCS
i need a friend
what am i going to do this weekend
should i get my other mountain dew now?
so much for cutting back on soda
i think i can be creative
i just have to find a way to let it out
i want to write something really cool
something someone else would admire
even if it was totally trivial
coding is an expression
i would like to be a writer
i just don't think i have anything to say
i want to write a story, just one
i'm afraid to make it personal
i guess i don't want anyone to find out about the real me
what am i afraid of really?
are they not going to like me?
does it matter?
i used to think i'm funny, but i don't really anymore
maybe i lost it or maybe i never had it
i want to feel that weird feeling of anticipation
that feeling you get around someone you like
quickening pulse, sweaty hands, scared to death
thinking, should i make a move?
will she let me?
would it ruin things?
is my life interesting?
who would read this?
it doesn't make much sense
i want to write a story
i want to write my 'good will hunting'
it's always hot here in the afternoon
would a diary-narative work?
stream of consciousness seems to be working
i never liked to read it though
i think i need a muse
i have lots of stories i could tell
don't want many to know though
i don't think i'd like to be famous
i'm too private
i could be a reclusive author
live in the rockies somewhere
or maybe the PacNW
maybe i should visit first
would the rain depress me too much?
would the cold be too much on my now thin blood?
why does einstein keep looking at me like that?
was he really that different?
maybe he's just like me
maybe not
i don't feel free
i don't think i resent her
it was my decision to make
did i really make it?
did i default?
is it too late now?
i don't want to start over
i want kids too
that's a lot of work
no more hobbies
no more of my own life
i really should be a writer
what could i say that hasn't already been said?
why could i say it better?
someone struggles
they make a choice
a simple choice
it leads them down a path
they feel trapped, confined to the path
ever further decision is on that branch
they can get out, but they don't
they are too far in now to turn back
too much at stake?
what could you lose that you couldn't go on without?
the romantic answer is full of crap
there must be a tragic figure
can you identify with him?
maybe her
what is a woman's weakness?
is it different from a man's?
sex, greed, fear, giving in
who makes the right choices?
what happens when you don't?
should there be a moral?
who gets caught and who gets away?
cary grant is cool
i should watch more hitchcock
that's where i got these ideas
tough choices, and what do you do
that person is you
you take the high-ground, don't you
self-righteous bastard
we all are
we don't take the high road
too hard
then there is the hero, the one who does no matter what
i don't think that is real
everyone is flawed
everyone has their weakness
is it always their downfall?
selfish, gambler, thief, addict, do-gooder
i am voyeuristic
not in a sexual way
well kind of
'rear window', great movie
is it on DVD?
i think i'll get it
i want to follow someone
see what they do, where they go
go to a mall, follow
no one is looking, what are you doing?
why do you live there?
why do you drive that car?
do you like hanging baskets of flowers on your porch?
i wanted to follow someone yesterday
pretty girl, silver BMW
no name on the car - strange
a 328?
i think i will tomorrow
quite an adventure
a vacation at home
don't know where you are going, why are you going there?
need a tape recorder
capture all the details
maybe write my story
don't talk to the person
give them a name
record each one
is that healthy?
just curious
lab rats we all are
who places the cheese?
who built the cage?
will this yield me a story, or just a collection of
man or woman?
young or old?
beautiful or not?
poor or rich?
people are interesting
i feel better already
jobs still sucks
get to go home soon
maybe eat pizza