I Debbie...
2001-04-10 19:42:38 (UTC)

Here Again

I sure am here alot today. I just talked to Donna. Gary
found another job today. That is great news today. Except
that they were drinking,too. That isn't bad in and of itself
but I don't like the fact that they gat so stupid when they
drink to excess. Donna did tell me that I still owe on the
car for the time that I had it that I wasn't paying on it.
That was probably the letter that we got. I couldn't get
through to the place but I will try again tomorrow. I need
to keep the momentum up of just being prepared for what is
coming up. At least when you know what is coming up and have
your eyes open you can at least not get so freaked out. And
by placing the knowledge in God's hands,then you have Him on
your side.And in your corner. Donna didn't seem to give me
the reaction I was expecting when I told her about my
potential job. It was "how are you going to do that?". But
then again she doesn't have the ability to be excited for
someone when her life isn't going good. That is one thing
that isn't good about our friendship. Like I said before,my
circle of friends aren't that normal. I have such a weird
run of attracting strange friends. I mean they always seem
to be so needy in so many different ways. Okay Donna only
wants to be around me when I can provide her with a ride,or
beer,or both. There are times that she is great as far as
support,but usually when it is convenient for her. Then when
she is trashed she will go into the "Don't ever leave me "
drunken ramblings. Then there is Jo. She is a good motivator
but it seems to always to be about her even when she is
reassuring me. I can be down about money and she will say "
work for Mary K." As I say, maybe that isn't the solution
for me. She is going to flip when I tell her about my
potential job. The first words out of ther mouth will be "
if you worked where I work then you may not have to do
that, two jobs." What if that is what I want to do?
And these are my two best friends? I must be really
dellusional or something. Then I think that some people are
my friends and when I begin to depend on people then they
shy away,like they don't know how to deal with me when I am
down on my luck. Like with rides,like Allysa. I don't ask
all the time and when I can I do pay her back. Lori seems
pretty normal. Betszaida too is really needy. Everything is
about her and Samual. Talk about a bad relationship. And she
sees that it is bad and is unable to take the next step in
fixing it. I wish there was a device to measure the
sincerity of others. And their motives behind their actions.
But I guess that there is no way of really doing this
because some people don't even know their reasons. I just
need to focus on the good in my life and keep all the
negayive energy out. Yes, something bad ould happen like
the one company could garnish my wages b/c of the bounced
check. But you know they haven't yet and my apts haven't
evicted us either. So, obviously I shouldn't start worrying
yet. Give it to God....I mean the checks may come back
through again and there will be enough money in the account
this time. There is money in my account now which would
cover the credit card place and there will be enough in it
on friday to cover the rent. Then we can get Brian's two
tires done soon. Hopefully I will get the job so that I can
start accumulating money in my account to pay people back.
Posotive comments net posotive results. If you think that
No,I will never do it,then you won't. If you say come on I
know I can do it,then you stand a better chance of
accomplishing your tasks. I have relyed on other people to
be my cheerleaders and I have to stop doing this because
they aren't me. I Debbie