camicazy

Lord of the Rings

watched lord of the rings at the mall today. i liked it a
lot...just felt a bit, erm, astounded. i suppose it's all
because of sam, frodo's friend (i'm not really sure about
the spelling). sam refused to leave frodo no matter what
happened...and i couldn't help but wonder, are there still
people who love their friends THAT much? are there still
people who hold on to their promises even if it meant
putting their own lives in jeopardy?

it's strange. the feeling of loneliness sinks in when i am
around a lot of people...when i sit on a chair in a noisy
club, when i listen to people talk and laugh around me,
when i walk around a crowded mall...

friends -- i've slowly realized -- come and go. there are
hardly anyone in this world whom you can call
your "friend". we all drift apart, walk our own path, and
drive our own cars. is it all part of growing up? it's the
realization that we all have our own lives to live...and
that, in the long run, we can only rely on ourselves..and
nobody else.

that is why sam the hobbit surprised me...and i couldn't
help but feel that j.r.r. tolkein's lord of the rings IS
purely fantasy. none of it is real. not the ring, not the
elves, not mount doom, not sam or frodo or the lady of the
wood, and certainly, not the fellowship who vowed to
protect the ring...and frodo.

it saddens me to think that there is hardly anyone left in
this world whom we can really call "pure". it seems that
our lives are just about deception, ruthlessness, and
aggressiveness to grasp what we want. we know what we
desire and how to get it. and we step on others just to
make our own dreams come true. humans strike me as so
selfish. there are hardly any sams left in this world.
perhaps there are a few, but i believe, that there are
none. sadly, even i am one of the corrupted people on this
planet. i am selfish. i am selfish.

as i stare at this screen, i can't help but wonder if there
is any good left in this world. perhaps this is where
christians come in and preach about the goodness of god.
but then, god is not of this world. he never was.

evil exists so that good may exist too. is that even true?
i believe it's the other way around. good exists so that
evil may exist as well. people may appear good, but deep
down inside, they have other things in mind. they act good
to gain something in return, whether it be cash, praise, or
a good reputation. nobody is good just because.

i've become very bitter about life and about men. god help
me.