Psychotic Rambles
Ad 2:
2002-01-04 11:49:07 (UTC)

Staring and the Blue *nice color* Pepsi can

My days are soley confined to hours of worthless
conversation with katelyn and other friends, devouring
gallons of oversweetened pepsi, working on my bane-my
algebra homework and enveloping myself in the music that so
irritates my parents.

every once in a while the thunderous silence is broken by a
seductive Anne Rice novel, transporting me to the warm
swamps of new orleans where i would so love to be instead
of this freezing cofining hell people would dare to call a

i look back on so many days, so long passed, never to come
back again, but in my memory freshly and vividly imprinted.
Shouldnt the "good old days" give way to new days? even
better than the latter? or do we live each day anew,
knowing the next morning brings only another unfathomable,
but still tangible amount of misery that piles up unto the
point where you're piling so much in front of you that you
cant even see the newest morning sun rising?

i do not wish to spend my life-however long THAT may be-
pining, over things, places, people, times that cannot be
again. i live for today and the hope of a better tommorow,
and the chance to push out that small next misery of the
coming day with the laughter of my freinds, and yes, even
my own laughter.

to throw away chance, opportunity for the better is insane.
but then again who would be sane? when do the eyes of my
peers not try to pry into my soul to find a weakness, all
too often ill concealed with which to tear my down? when
are my heart and mind not torn and shredded in the hands of
those whom i trust, gave myself to in a moment of their
seemingly self righteous glory? when am i not blamed by the
misplacings of those before me? Pergatory, hell, is here on
earth, but who says heaven is not as well?

The world is what we make it out to be. When we love, with
all our hearts, doesnt that really mean we are happy with
someone or something? Should i limit myself to darkness,
pescimism and masochism when i could enjoy the whispering
of the wind between the branches of the trees and the
melody of the rain as it pelts throught rays of sunlight? I
say live for now, for the joy we share now, now is the
time. to live, die and be reborn. to laugh, cry and smile
with the knowledge of ancients...not to cry because its
over, but to smile because it happened.

this was a note to all of you manic depressive suicidal
fools who wish to throw out the most precious gift-life-out
for selfish death, to the eternal wandering of the confused
dead, before the final end.. not ecstasy in heaven or
flames in hell.. but the END when your soul walks,
unmistakeably, undeniably and irreversibly into the light.

Skater girl who was in a poetic mood and who got really
irriated at all of those silly suicide notes she hears from
people she loves.