Scott

Scott
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2002-01-04 11:10:47 (UTC)

Friday 4th January

Time Started: 8.45pm
Listening to: System of a Down - Science
Mood: Not to bad

Well it's been a while since I have written in this thing.
New Years was alright, it could have been heaps better
though. I started drinking at about 4 in the afternoon
(Rafter started doing his DXM) because we were getting
picked up by Heiser at 4.30 to go to his house. It was
good at his house, I got to hang out with Jack Ti, Phil
Carr and Justin Kemp. I hadn't scene any of them since
school. We talked and drank with them for a few hours and
then at about 7 Jack took us to Nat's house. On the way I
yelled out "HAPPY NEW YEAR" to every single person we drove
past. Jack did so many burn outs, it was so much fun,
cause it had been raining all day. The we hung out at
Nat's until like 11. That was really cool. Easily the
best part of the night. We missed the train we were going
to catch into the city so we spent midnight on the fucking
train. That sucked. Then we hung out in the city for a
few hours and caught a taxi home. Me and Rafter got home
at about 4.15am. And that was it. It was alright, as I
said it could have been heaps better.

I have this really strange feeling that Roxy is going to
Break up with me soon. I felt like this once before, but
it turned out to be nothing. I dunno, once I get an idea
in my head I can ALWAYS find evidence to back it up and it
always makes perfect sence to me - even if it sounds like
complete bullshit to others. That's just the way I am, I
worry about everything. She doesn't seem to want to hang
out with me as much anymore. I can tell that she doesn't
like driving me places anymore. I really have to get my
license, it isn't fair on her. Whenever we go somewhere or
meet up or anything she always has to drive cause she has a
license and a car and I don't. I'll understand if she does
break up with me, she deserves more then I can give her. I
feel like she is doing more work in this relationship then
I am. She deserves someone whith a car, a job and money.
I don't have any of those things. I really try to do the
best by her, but there are just somethings I cannot do.

There is another piece of evidence I came up with, but it's
kinda embarrasing. I guess I may as well write it, I need
to get it out - even if no one is going to read this.
We've been going out for just over two months now and we
have done hardly anything, sexually. We have done a little
but things have been going really slow. Back when we had
been going out for two weeks we went to Nosa for a weekend
with some of her friends. Roxy told me that she wanted to
sleep with me that night. I told her that I didn't think
we had been going out long enough and that I thought we
should wait. She said ok. That was a month and a half ago
and we haven't done anything except kiss since then. We
haven't spoken about the topic either. My fear is that she
is starting to get sick of waiting. Thing is, I am ready
but we never get a chance to do anything like that and I
can't see us getting a chance to in the near future
either. The only time I can think of is when we go to
Surfer's Paradise for a week in early February. But that
is just over a month away - she will be well and truly
tired of waiting by then. I want to tell her that I am
ready, but how do you bring up something like that? I'm to
nervous to tell her that I love her let alone mention
something like this. I don't know what to do.

There's other stuff also. Like, I am quite and don't talk
much, she might take that to mean I don't like her. She
never rings me or anything. And she hardly ever invites me
to stuff. She is always doing stuff with her (and they are
usually mine too) friends. I don't understand why she
doesn't ask me if I want to come along. Not all the time,
but once in a while. Especially if the people she is
hanging with are my friends too. She hasn't invited me
once, I know I would invite her when I did stuff (i never
do though). There's probably other stuff that I just can't
think of it at the moment. So yeah, I hope I'm imagining
it again, but I don't think I am this time. I think she
has got tired of me.
Scott


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