Pink Flowers

Pink Flowers
2002-01-04 04:54:33 (UTC)

I figured something out aboutme..

I figured something out aboutme today. I base my
selfworth on what certain guys think of me. I know that is
not right but I can't help but feel lie a worthless piece
of shit if guys don't want to be around me. And today I
think my selfworth has been boosted a hell of a lot more
than it has been in a long time! Nick was telling William
and Mary and whoever else that was in Danny's apartment at
the time that he wanted to fuck me! I mean what in the
hell??? No one ever talks that way about me! He said this
apparently when I was out building a snowman with some
neighbors of Danny's (Stephanie's uncle and his son
Dakota). I just can't believe that!!! I mean I looked
like shit! Really I'm not joking! I have just gotten in
from being out on the lake tubing (I know that must sound
like I was fucking crazy but it was so fun who else can say
that they have been tubing while it was snowing?)and my
hair was all wet and I had on some of Mary's mom's clothes
(Danny's younger sister who is Kent's age). So I was like
ok. Well at one point in the day I was driving back with
him when he said that he was going to tell my brother about
me and Stephanie kissing. I was like no no. So, he said
ok then give me a kiss on my cheak and I won't. So I did.
Then he was like damn I should have told you to kiss me on
the lips ans I was like well I would kiss you Nick. You
would be fun to kiss and he was like well lets kiss. I
wanted to but I has a ciggerett in my hand so I was like
well let me finish this. Then he went to Danny's apt. so
there wasn't a chance there, however we did end up in
Williams loft together which is known for its many stories
of countless people that have hooked up there. Well he was
like ok......but I didn't want to start anything there with
William right below us. It was too weird. Then I had
another chance but I blew that one to. God damn I should
have been more assertive! Well maybe I will see him
tomarrow. It is nothing like a relationship's beginning
cause he likes this girl named Lauren who I don't really
know and I like David.....and we both know is
understood.....we just want to have some fun I
guess.....but tomarrow he may not even be thinking about
Ok, now I am talking to Clark online and guess who is
at him house???? Yeah, David! I hope he doesn't talk to
David about him playing with my mind. That would just
cause things to be weird between us and thats not cool.