noctisplendor

never content

Never content
never anything really.
Nothing changes
and nothing’s changed.
but that doesn’t surprise me
it hurts too bad
but I’ve been told
that pain is good
at least it means
I still feel.
And that is a rarity
maybe more than I know

never content. yeah words my ex would die to hear me say,
but he wouldn't listen now anyway. i am a faceless name
he'll tell my replacement about. and i still won't really
talk about what happened between us. i think one person
knows and she's not telling. my midget is too good to me
to do that. but then i am the monkey.

tomorrow night it city club. i've never been there.
neither has anyone else i'm going with. but thats ok.
we're cool with detroit, even if my family isn't. i
invited the small car company. he has to work.

hillbilly is still an ass. and always will be. i know
this. i've known it. but i don't think i can forgive him
this time. not without serious work on his part.

a long dead glowstick
hangs in my room
from the light
with a black rose
long ago it was his soul
and someone wrote on it
"DO NOT LOSE"
and i never did.
but he lost my soul
in the lake one night
playing with his brother
and i float out
in nothingness and
now frozen water.
a long dead glowstick
hangs in my room
i'll never lose it

that was a long running joke. we went out, we bought
glowsticks. they were the other's soul. his was blue,
mine was white. i think it had to do with purity. but i
don't remember. from december through april it went on,
two, maybe three times a week. we, or mostly, i dropped
alot of cash on them. but it was special to us. now i
know it would be childish. i know alot of things now, that
i didn't know then. i wonder alot of things too. but that
never stopped me. i fell in love with the boy with the cat
eyes. someone once told me that if you love something you
have to set it free. someone else told me that if it
didn't come back i should hunt it down and kill it. thats
the point i'm at. we'll see if hillbilly agrees.