*MS JLYN*

NO PART OF IT!

*WORDS*

I held my tongue to fight off the words
The time felt so perfect but so very far
The words I wanted to whisper.........
might change how we are
Are the gestures I make enough for you to know
That it is really love I am trying to show
Maybe the words are not needed in our case
Just know that my heart increases with pace
Each time we are near each other or you are on my mind
I believe that the relationship we share is just the
right kind
No words justify our true being
Just live in the moment and believe what you are seeing
We were brought tihs far and there's no turning back
"I LOVE YOU" are beautiful words, but we really don't
lack.

~Jocelyn Alece McDuffie~
1/1/2000

I found this poem today and I just thought I would post it.
Man, that was 2 years ago. I don't know how at that one
moment I was so certain and knew what I wanted. I'm kinda
upset with myself right now becuase someone that I don't
like, want to be with, nor am I IN love with is getting
under my skin like this. Leroy gets on my fucking nerves.
He does some really stupid things. So bad I just want to
say or scream to him that I don't like him.....I just want
to have sex with him. Plain and damn simple! It's getting
to the point that I can't stand to even talk to him. He has
a smart ass mouth and ticks me off everytime. Most of the
time I just let it go. Today, I swear......I just want to
kick him in the jewel area so bad. But ummm.....I'm not all
the way ready for the beat down to follow. But one day, I'm
gonna do it and I'm gonna be ready to fight that shit to
the end. Then there's this part that is mixing me up
because I wanted him to leave, but when he said he knew I
didn't want him to.....I didn't. What in the hell is going
on? This is some mixed up shit. I swear! Would I be wrong
to say that I just want to hit it, then don't talk to me
anymore....it won't be me hitting anything...but ya know
what I mean! That's all I want now! Fuck the whole
friendship shit. I don't need friends like that. Really!
This might all change by tomorrow....you know me! I hate
this though. On another subject though....I talked to
Kellen today. We talked for a while. He made my day until
stupid ass Leroy messed it up. Bastard! Anyway, he said we
are going to fight because I told him that I wasn't going
to talk to him anymore. LOL....he's a mess! For some
reason, I can speak whatever is on my mind with him. I
guess that's because he's in some ways like that with me.
Now, I do think he's holding back something from me. We
were talking about the game(NHS vs PHS). He said something
about me being at the game with Leroy, but he didn't say
his name.....he just said, "him". I know for sure that if
Leroy wouldn't have been there, then me and KMIL would have
chilled that nite. I know fo sho! But can't change the past
(although I wish I could now) I think he does have a lil
something for me. :) That's my buddy! Well, my fingers hurt
so I guess I'll be getting along. I hate niggas who think
the female should always make the first move. I hate niggas
who are stubborn. Basically, I hate niggas who are boys
that try to act as men....but when it's in front of their
face.....he can't follow through. Silly ass boys!

*MS JLYN*