I Debbie...
2001-04-10 16:28:12 (UTC)

And Yet More Light and Farrah......

And I just got confirmation that they aren't coming down for
Easter. Like I really had the money for them to entertain
them. But it would have been nice to know that they really
cared. So I think it is a convenience thing. If it is
convenient to care enough to be somewhere together then that
is sufficient. Needless to say they are going to be at
Wendy's ffor Easter. Like I could have predicted. How much
do you want to bet that Brian is going to want to go up
there for Easter Sunday. I mean it is do-able. We could
leave after work on Saturday and then leave Sunday evening.
But he can go up if he wants to, but I won't. Two can play
at that game and I don't want to sit in car for six hours
in two days for their benefit. They can sit on it. How much
more whatever the hell word I am trying to use ,would it
have been for them to come down here. Again I will say, what
is it about Tulsa that prohibits people from coming down .
Why are we the only ones who seem to know that there isn't a
black hole that surrounds us prohibiting others admittance.
I am in such a black mood right now. I think it is because
it is so gloomy outside. I mean Easter isn't really the
issue. It is really about the fact that like I also what I
said before about how much they really are there for you
when you really need it. It is really easy to say they will
pray for you but what about really helping in action not
just in spirit. I mean I really can't expect my parents to
help. I have a judgemental issue to deal with on that part
as bad as the in-laws shit. I feel like I am wallowing in
self-pity and I don't like it. And you know I was watching a
show on E! about Farrah and thinking to myself that isn't it
funny that that was where I fell asleep on the couch...that
same exact place. Brian spends so much time on his computer
and is never really in the room with me anyway. So why am I
so concerned about how much time I spend at home. Why should
I let that prohibit me from doing something in the evenings.
There is no reason not to,actually. I mean it would mean
more money to do stuff when I could. Like we ever do things
together anyway. Unless I ask him to do things with my
friends b/c his one and only friend down here is the one he
chases with and never calls to do things unless it is storm
chasing. That is the funny thing too. They never get
together outside of their obsession. That is a weird kind of
friendship. Not that my friends are the barometer of
normalcy,either. But there isn't just obe thing to do when
we are together,either. Kind of sad if you think about it.
Everything about him is about money. His parents are the
same way. Oh,..... I could have screamed when his dad asked
me who to make the check out to, so I said the National MS
Society. I about want to send tham a receipt for that, too.
Kind of like sticking my toung out at them. Anyway, I wonder
what message I should be recieving by the way of what is
going on in my aura now. I really need to do something
different. I think that that is a good sign, that I know
that my likfe needs to change,,that I need to reinvent
myself like Farrah did in her E! special. (I don't believe I
am dwelling on this and that I am incorporating Farrah's
story into my life.)Maybe that is the sign. Well , as they
say onward.....I Debbie