Little Bird

Private Babbling
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Ezoic
2001-04-10 15:29:17 (UTC)

Instead of taking the time to..

Instead of taking the time to write directly to you, diary,
I will send you an e-mail that I sent to her.

I think DL is a dead end for me. I feel like I can 'go
places' where i am now. The only trouble I see is having a
broke hand and needing miles to go into my horse...plus
living so far away is a pain in the ass. Things will be
different when i have my own car and C is out of school. I
wouldn’t mind living 'out there' because I wouldn’t be
driving all around. On the other hand, i would proly try
keeping C at this school anyway, I dunno. his education is
important to me.

O is proly on crack OR he thinks you secretly hate him and
he said 'so' in hopes to down play the pink eye being his
fault because in essence EVERYTHING is his fault. Not
unlike me.

Drugs-Bad.

I think part of my weirdness is that I need someone of the
opposite sex, besides Co, to be around. There are two in
particular that I miss/started missing again but there
isn’t much I can do about that.
I had an argument w/Cowboy Friday afternoon. Basically, he
wants me there before summer but I don’t want to go. I
wanted to go a year ago but I am relatively ‘okay’ here
right now. I’m not saying that I wanted to go because I was
unhappy but it was easier to think about leaving then. Plus
I have a million and a half things to get taken care of and
Co is getting closer to making his opening statement this
year. The fight wasn’t that bad it’s just that the part of
me that is ‘pony’ hates talking to him that way…. hard to
say NO.
The other- J burned words into my head that make me almost
sick to my stomach. There are days when I can truly live
without him, etc. but I keep looking at C and am reminded
quickly how much I care for J and how unfair it was that I
pushed him away but that’s the way things had to be back
then.

‘Everything’ was easier to deal w/before the stupid
accident.

I’ve decided to avoid/ignore the on-line interest. She
hasn’t bothered to call or anything and I’m sure if I
decided to make the first contact she would get pissy
because she will be suspicious of what I ‘was really doing
all this time.’
The Stalker, I feel, will never give up. It's wearing me
out. I'm almost considering changing my number. I think
it'll help to be away from my phone but then there's the
calling at work crap. GOD he is so stupid!!!

It’s okay that you left last night. It meant a lot to me
that you came out. I was kinda happy to see so many people
there. Every time I was talking to St I could feel Ch’s
eyes burning into me. The night I met him at Sundance he
was doing that too. In a warped way it’s like having ‘your’
dad around when he takes a shine to you.

I really am working…. writing helps me relive stress so I
use it as an excuse to take short breaks here and there
instead of taking an hour long lunch.


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