black is all I see......
sometimes I feel so empty. I feel like there's no-one in
the world I can truly relate to, or more importantly who
can relate to me.
I spend time with people, making idle chat, this is what's
expected of me. I wish I could make it stop.
There are things that go on inside me, things I think,
things I wish I could manifest, but they remain inside. For
one reason or another, I feel that others stifle me, so I
allow myself to live this mundane existence, whilst
bitching about the fact that existence is mundane. It's not
others who stifle me, it's myself...I keep so much of
myself for me, that there really isn't much left for
others...and when I do want to share it, I find the fact
that I've kept it hidden for so long means I cannot share,
don't want to allow anyone in, so I shut off.
I really do hate myself at times..I think I hate other
people, but really all I want is for people to love
me....and when they don't it makes me angry.
Anger is my poison, my enemy, but also my comfort blanket.
I wrap it around me and use it to keep the world at bay. I
get angry at things, but never feel the strength to do
anything about them. This anger comes out at the wrong
times, and always at the wrong people....I need to cleanse
myself of this anger, before the world cleanses itself of
What a sad, pathetic cunt I am.....