Something like life
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2002-01-03 21:22:23 (UTC)

Get the cool shoe shine

The world is spinning too fast. I buy lead Nike shoes to
keep myself tethered to the things I tried to lose.

Ah, such words of wisdom from one of my favorite current
bands, the Gorillaz. There are times when I feel I can't
untie my lead shoes and motivate myself to get up and do
something. The first part of today was one of those times.
Maybe it was because we've very little food in the
apartment, and I didn't feel like foraging. Maybe it was
that I forgot what I dreamed last night and I wanted to see
if I could go back and figure it out. Whatever the reason,
I chose to stay in bed today until almost 2 PM. Be that as
it may, I at least accomplished one thing: I called the
Social Security office about my disability benefits being

Now before you go picturing me as either some poor invalid
in a motorized wheelchair or a fat lazy bitch who wants
something for nothing, let me explain. I do have a number
of oddbal medical problems. None of them by themselves
really add up to much, but in combination, they tend to
make things like getting up and going to work every day
quite challenging. First off, I have been diagnosed with
chronic depression and anxiety disorder, for which I am
always on medication. Second, I have stress-induced asthma,
which is sometimes triggered by anxiety attacks. Third, I
have fibromyalgia, which is complicated to explain but
basically amounts to being in some kind of physical pain
all the time and alternately not being able to sleep or
sleeping all the time. There's a lot more to it than that-
migraines, muscle spasms, all sorts of strange twinges and
jolts and aches. Well, anyway, most jobs I'm qualified to
do without actually having completed a degree anywhere
prove to be overwhelming to me either physically or
emotionally within a short period of time.

Education... It is something I have a decent amount of, but
with no little gilded piece of paper proclaiming I've
earned enough brownie points in a particular subject, I'm
still looked upon as one of the ignorant masses. I intend
to remedy this situation fairly soon. Of course, how many
times have I said that...? Anyway, I'm going to try to get
a degree in information systems, or possibly internet
design. Those are jobs I know I can handle. Mostly because
they involve specific tasks and projects, the work I would
do would be tangible, and most importantly, I wouldn't be
required to say things like "Is there anything I can help
you find?" and "Do you want fries with that?"

Well, this has been a pointless, boring rant, but hey, this
is my journal and I can type what I want. What, you think
it's my job to entertain you or something? Pshaw.

In just about an hour I'll be leaving for my Happy Place,
meaning that my boyfriend (heretofore referred to as Bull)
and our friend Aaron is picking us up to go to our weekly
Star Wars roleplaying session. Aaron (heretofore known as
Sludig or Sloodie) is the GM. Thursday nights have
generally shaped up like this: we go to Sludig's, debate
exactly what we're going to have to eat, order said eats,
and sit down to game for approximately 3 hours.

You know, I think I'm going to work on a new section of my
web page specifically for my roleplaying characters... eh,
just an idea.

My the Force be with you till next time.

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