Trixie Dust

Trixies in the Wind
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2002-01-03 17:07:37 (UTC)

... thoughts continued


Yo.

'I drive in the rain, With the window open.
But it's not the same, When everything has changed.
But while your still near, I'll try anything.
And I'll say all the things that you said you wanted to
hear...
But the words inside my head, Are better left unsaid,
To lie like the ghosts beneath my bed...'

Everything has changed, in a sense. I think Ive finally
accepted my responsibilities. I need to study so I can get
my permit, no really, study this time. I need to stop
trying to get out of my age and start getting into it.

But that doest stop the fact that Im in trouble.

Well, its not really trouble, I dont really get it, quite
frankly. She says she cant trust me anymore, and a bunch
of stuff like that. I am a teenager mother, teenagers do
things that other people may look down on. I didnt screw
him, I didnt do anything so evil, but evil enough to prolly
get me into hell. My friends dont care, and thats what
counts to me. And Mary and I, were going to be better
friends now if i can help it. Midnight talks are great.
What amazes me about mum, she can not trust me, but jessi
and jason get all cuddly on the couch and mum doesnt say
that some chick is hanging all over jason. Is it because
hes 20 sumthing and just recently *like, now* started
talking to her? Its like, mum, your funny. No, not
funny. But wierd. I like to cuddle with my boyfriend I
get to see maybe once or twice a year. So what, hands do
wander, its a fact of life. I almost got in more trouble
then I could handle at his house, but I said no and we went
downstairs and watched a strange movie about some confused
individuals that work in a convieniant *cant spell* and
video store. Maybe its above my level of understanding,
because I didnt get it.

'...If I could change anything,
Then I would change everything...'

Actually, I wouldnt. I think it all worked out good. If i
would have been alone with matt on new years eve, we woulda
got in a heck of alot more trouble then were in right now,
trust me. A heck of alot more. I know because I have no
self control. Yeah, thats one of the fruits of the spirit
I have to work really hard on aquiring. Well, I do have
self control. But in my head, I whine alot when I dont get
to do what I want to do. But Im glad it all worked out. I
just miss being in his arms, gosh do I miss that. There is
nothing more comforting then that. To just lay my head on
his chest with his arms wrapped around me... and slowly
begin to drift off to sleep... That was so cool. I miss
him. And I love him.

And huggles, you bet when you and ash get married and me
and matt get married were all hanging out more, cuz the ice
rink rawked.

Marie, you will hear more from me. ;)

Matt, I love you so much angel. Your stuck with me
forever. ;)

Mum- I love you too, but get off my back, Im not that bad
of a kid. ANd you know you still trust and love me. ;)

Later, Ill put in the email dad sent, well, Ill just tell
you. Nawh, Ill do the extra 2 seconds of work.


Didnt hear from you, but hey I didnt think you would call.
But know this ..your Dad is gearing to fight for his girls.
No longer will I sit by and take it...no more.. I want my
girls and I have had it with waiting.
So its to war I go.. to see and be with my girls!
I love you Tricia... win or loose I love you!
Kisses and hugs
Dad


To be cruel or not to be cruel- its not my nature to be
mean.

1. We didnt call cuz we werent here. And I wouldnt have
anyways.
2. Fight all ya like. We aint goin anywhere.
3. Waiting for what?! You dont sit in front of the mail
box waiting for a support check that wont come so you can
pay for your house and bills and food and actually have a
chance at surviving day to day.
4. This girl dont WANT to be with you. You betrayed her.
She aint taking the beatings she used to, and she wont put
up with you beating those innocent kids.
5. Not win or lose, lose or lose. Lose cuz A. I aint
going, and B. theres not a chance in hell you would win.
We live in florida, aka, you lose the shirt off your back.
You havent paid for your motorcycle or car, and say you
have no money. You will pretty soon, when they garnish
your wages and I dont have to listen to mom cry anymore. I
dont want to have to need your money to survive, I have no
choice. Until we get our bills paid up, were stuck in this
house. Dont think were all not praying for the day we can
leave it. Leave the memories, and the bs.

There is a time for everything, it says in I believe
exodus, and you know what, its time for me to stop putting
up with your crap, and to grow up. Im not a kid, Im a
young lady, I can drive soon, and go to college, and get
married. I dont need dad. Theres alot more ahead, I know,
but i have the grace of God, and the love I need to survive.

I probably shoudl give dad some of these responses I write
in my diary, but do I dare give him the time of day?

Lol. Okay, it was more than 2 seconds. *shrugs* I have
hungry neopets...

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