listen to my silences
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2002-01-03 15:39:34 (UTC)


i hate not having time to get online. it's been so long
since i wrote in here. and now for the updates...

brodie: extremely stressed out and distant. i don't know
what's up with him. it's like he doesn't want me around
anymore. and i hate it. so bro, if you read this, please
respond to it.

kells: found a new toy...kinda. name's will. from work.
i haven't met him, but he better be careful if he wants to
date her and he thinks he's gonna keep messing with her
head. not cool. she got so wasted on new year's. it was
bad. she called me yesterday to apologize for the way she
was acting. which was very mature of her. kells, i'm not
mad at you. promise.

mare: i dunno. something's up but we haven't talked in
awhile. and it's something big. she doesn't seem to want
to talk to me about it so whatever.

jamie: no clue. i haven't talked to her since school let

kari: same as jamie.

geoff: going through so much right now. both with himself
and others. and i can tell how much it is straining him to
keep on a happy face in front of people. i wish he didn't
feel like he had to. but i know the feeling and i know
what happens if the happy face is taken off and how hard it
is to even let it be removed for a few minutes in front of
anyone, even a close friend. we talked for quite awhile on
new year's and "deep geoff" as he calls it started to come
out. he cares so much for people. it's a deep concern for
everything about them. not because he has to or because he
has some ulterior motive but because he really does want
the best for them. thanks g. oh, and just to let you know, you give
the best massages. no argument, no competition. you have to go with
us on guard competitions k? ;)

brian: him and amy broke up. not a good situation. i went
to his house for about an hour on new year's day. it was
cool. we're supposed to go out and eat sometime soon as
his christmas present. he kissed me at his house as i was
leaving and told me happy new year. what's weird was that
i didn't feel anything. period. it's like...i don't
know. almost like it didn't even happen. i'm serious.
there was absolutely nothing.

adrian: i haven't really talked to her in a couple of
days. she's been at guard and looked stressed out or
worried about something. i asked her but she said it's

and with me: i'm doing much better. i found out my disease
is in both ears. i don't know if that was in my last entry
or not, i don't think it was. i was very depressed for
about a week and almost ended up getting fired. but it's
all good cause i didn't even get written up. i've been on
steroids for about two weeks to make my hearing better. so
i've been able to eat whatever i wanted. though i can't
hear still and i'm gonna go deaf in both ears. oh well.
i'm learning sign language and i can lip read extremely
well so i'll be ok. i'm also on water pills. which if you
don't know what they are let me just put it this way:
everything i eat goes straight through me. no joke. i'm
off the steroids as of today so it's back to the diet.
even stricter than before. but i'll be ok. i'll make it.
i've got friends to support me and i know they're not going
anywhere. thanks guys. love all.

final thought: this is your time, this is your dance, live
every moment leave nothing to chance, swim in the sea, and
drink of the deep, and embrace the mystery of all you can
be...this is your time.

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