Shadarko

The SSR: suburban shaman ramblings
2002-01-03 11:22:15 (UTC)

The More I spoke of.

well its january 3rd. I wont know if i passed my damn math
class until after the 9th. Not that that only leaves me
about 2 weeks to find a place to live, move, get situated
and get classes before they actually start. But that's the
better of the two options.
I don't even know if i passed or not which is the biggest
issue. If I don't pass I cant transfer. no transfer i'm
stuck here. I can't stay here anymore it's killing me. I
don't care what julie says. I need out. The past 12
months stuck back in so cal has been hell.
It's funny to think that last year i thought i was having
it bad in london. what i woulndt give to have those
problems again.
I'm not saying that pcc was bad (elac how ever was) I met
several nice people even some people i'd like to stay in
contact with but another 6-8 months stuck not getting
anywhere? no thank you.
I need to go up soon and see jeff in san francisco. He's
having a rough time too. and we both need some type of
outlet. I sorta have an idea but I dont want to say
anythinhg about it until after i know one way or another
what's going on about moving to sacramento. more on that
later...hopefully.
I saw eric the other day. i really need to stop falling
straight guys. Not that I know any other type of guys.
Other then sancho. but he's dating and already told me
nothing would ever happen. but hey.
It's been a couple of weeks now since i saw mike. which
is good. I still think of him. why? because i never got to
hurt him like he hurt me. Little? yes i know. but he hurt
me bad and for once i want to hurt a person just as badly.
another reason i dont want to go back to pcc i dont trust
me. Well i wouldnt do anything but erh!
I bet he thinks i still like him. no. its just the whole
time was a lie. i cant even look back at the time we had
fondly because i know it was all a lie. he stole part of my
life and i cant forgive that.

ok im rambling now. im going. more later




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