The Nine Faces of Dave
saving money for things that won't happen
I've accumulated enough money to upgrade the computer.
With a little luck, the upgrade fund that my parents and I
established should cover most of it. Then my reserves will
be safe in case a need for money ever arises.
Given these circumstances, my need for closure with respect
to all things is greater than ever. For instance, if I
should find a date to the prom or the midwinter dance or
whatever, cash will become necessary. Now if that doesn't
happen and I give up completely, the new computer stuff
will be mine, along with a couple of shirts from www.game-
skins.com. Tidy, no?
The only other option is to get a job, and if the health
food store won't hire me, the only remaining prospect is
Dairy Queen. That wouldn't be so bad, though; I know a
number of people who work there. Still, I'd like to avoid
foodservice if at all possible.
So here's the deal: I have a low income. I am also
optimistic about romantic prospects. Relationships cost
money, so I hoard cash. Of course, my success in any
romantic endeavor is zero. The end result is that I've
stockpiled quite a bit of money just in case something
extremely unlikely comes to pass.
Now the really funny thing is that to get a job, I'd have
to do pretty much the same things I'd have to do to get a
date: cut my hair, shave, and lose 30 pounds. The last one
I'm working on, and the second I'm willing to do. But I've
spent two years growing my hair out and taking care of it,
so I'm not about to hack it off to make some manager
happy. And I really don't think I'd want to date any girl
who couldn't love my hair along with the rest of me.