Something like life
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2002-01-03 04:49:04 (UTC)

It's that time again

The time is drawing near when I will add another arbitrary
digit to the sum total of my years here on earth. On
January 12, 2002, at 6:47 A.M., I will become 24 years old.
Born Heather Elizabeth Jaborsky at Lake East Hospital in
Painesville, Ohio, I was to bring endless joy and angst to
my horribly mismatched parents. Being the only child of
Evil Incarnate (each parent claiming the other as such), I
grew up in a "family" that failed to put the "fun" back
in "dysfunctional". I use the term "family" lightly, since
I usually got the impression we were just three people who
were beamed up at random and tossed into the same household
by sadistic aliens who wanted to study conflict theory. I
went to Catholic school for a couple of years and was
chided by one of the old nuns for using the "Devil's hand"
(I'm a lefty.) But it was ok, because one of the other nuns
thought I was "gifted". Then in 4th grade I transfered to
Perry Public School. I was a nerd and I went to "gifted"
classes and I had no friends. Yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda. I
grew up, stuff happened. I kissed a lot of boys and a few
girls, and at least three or four amphibians. I graduated
high school and attempted college. Then I died, went to
hell, came back, and here I am today.

I now live in the small town of West Chester, Ohio, a
suburb of Cincinnati, and I like it here. I live with my
wonderful sweet adorable huggable boyfriend Steve.
I even get along fairly well with the roommate, (Robert
Kyde, hereafter known as Toon.) I'm comfy here and I don't
even mind that I'm still not mobile (no car.) For once it's
not just one of those "well, it's better than living with
my mother" situations. Because frankly I'd rather live with
a rancor.

A rancor, you say? Yes. A rancor. Why a rancor and not
something else? Well, see, right now my "thing" is Star
Wars. The Star Wars Universe is my current *Happy Place*.
My ever-migrating Happy Place is the comfort of my
imagination, to which I return when I am sad, bored,
lonely, horny, or a combination of the four. Since I
discovered sexuality, my Happy Place usually revolves
around a single character from that particular realm of
fantasy that intrigues me, an icon that I feel attracted to
and can empathize with. In Star Wars, that icon is Darth
Vader. (I never go for the good guys, they're boring.) It
might sound a little crazy... well, ok, it IS a little
crazy. But it's a part of my personality, these strange
delvings into fantasy.

At the risk of sounding schizophrenic, let me explain why.

My childhood was strange. I know that bad things happened.
I remember many of them, if not most. It isn't that I don't
remember the "happy" times- they were there. However, there
are entire sections of my childhood I cannot remember. At
least, I cannot remember what really happened. During these
times, my memory of reality is blank, and instead there
lies the memory of my Happy Place (wherever that may have
been) and my adventures therein. This phenomenon makes
the "un"reality of my Happy Place seem very real indeed.
And in adulthood, I have retained the ability to allow my
imagination to take me back there.

A brief history of my Happy Places:

Ages 2-4: "Oz"
Ages 5-7: "Star Wars Land"
Ages 7-10: "Dinosaur Land"
Ages 11-13: "Dolphin Land"
Ages 14-18: "The Phantom of the Opera's Lair"
Ages 19-21: Fluctuated. Bouts of severe depression and
stagnant lack of imagination. Very little artistic
expression. Star Wars: Episode I seemed to help a bit.
Ages 22- Present: "Star Wars Land Revisited"

So you see, my Happy Place is really important. I like to
think I'm not crazy, but maybe I am. Anyway, I don't care,
because right now I'm extremely happy. Probably happier
than I've ever been in real life...

And with that, I will bid thee goodnight. May the Force be
with you. If you didn't come here from there, why not go
check out my site?

Now if you'll excuse me, there are pressing matters I need
to discuss with Lord Vader regarding some Rebel activity on
the Outer Rim...