Life without a Script
2002-01-03 03:05:14 (UTC)

Visions of reality and Friends

Well nothing really big happened today of note. I am
starting to have second thoughts about katrina and
starting a relationship with someone so young. But I will
have to deal on another day. I learned something rather my past attemps to follow the path of a Zen
Buddhist and live in the moment and be aware...basically I
learned that the learn to truly see with there
eyes and to only see reality and not what your mind wants
you to see. Today lucnh i looked at the faces of people
around me and what I saw began to cause physical pain.
For example there was one Lady with a disability like DS
and she was trying to participate in the conversation that
her peers and Nusrse was having. But she could not get a
word in nor would they notice her attempts at
participation in the conversation. I watched he face for
only a glance but it was if I could feel her emotion, her
anticipation, confusion, sorrow, fake smile, and much more
I cannot discribe at just a glance. It flooded into my
mind so intensily that I felt my stomach sink with sorrow
that I could not eat anymore. I looked away to try and
wipe it from my mind but it hammered inside my head and in
front of me was a large man whom was poor and fat and he
tried to carry himself with dignity, but the small bag of
potato chips he considered lunch was obviouly not enough
for a meal... and feelings of self pity and embarrasment
from his face flooded into mine....I had leave the food
court at the mall quickly cause I could not emotionally or
physically stand the feelings and imagery that flood
through me....In hind sight I am not sure if I had a brief
laps of telephathy or just saw reality without the cloud
of socitiy and desensization but It is upon this day I
realized how small my problems are on the global scale and
at the same time I am still scared to look into the faces
of those around me.

I figure I would do a self study and write about each
person I know and see how my opinion changes of them.

Neil Thompson: Roomate

Neil is an ok guy and is alway up for events of
testosteron and general group activities and is very much
a fan boy. He has an incredable charisma and uses it to
get what he wants and he knows how to use it. He has
serious problems with money and owes alot of people money
myself included. He is also a big car fan and a virtual
libary of movie trivia and sometimes it is interesting to
hear him talk about it but often it gets on my nerves.
He understands my moods and knows when to back off when I
am pissed...and tries to talk to me about my problems but
I have yet to figure out if he does it cause he is
concerned or is worried that i will kick him out and is
just looking after his own ass.

Donald Small: Second roomate

Don is a Techno Redneck... the boy speaks in hick talk so
bad I almost need a translator just to understand what he
means. He tried to be one of the guys but I can tell he
feels somewhat excluded from my main social group. Normal
he is not to bad but he tries so hard to be non intrusive
and it bugs me alot....perhaps i would like Don more if i
wasn't sharing the same living space with him.

Well I think that is enough for today