*blank stare*
2002-01-03 00:11:09 (UTC)

Seconds When I'm Shaking Leave Me Shuddering for Days (Subtitled: Happy New Year)

Sunday night, Kissy, Kat, Mike, Jacob, Jon, Jason, Jason,
and Bob were here, with everyone from Mike to Bob playing
D&D till the wee hours of the morn. Myself, Kat, and Kissy
all lay on my bed reading and making fun of the geeks on
the other side of the door occasionally.
We originally weren't expecting Mike to come over, as he
wasn't going to game, but shortly before I left to go get
food for the menfolks, he called and informed me that he
had been banished from his house by his overbearing asshole
pompous bastard zealot father (to put in nicely), who also
lost Mike his job AND wasn't giving him the car that he
uses but doesn't own. I was out the door like a shot,
dragging Kissy with me and fetching Mike. After a stop to
KFC, we came back here where everyone but Jason Locke,
Kissy and Kat spent the night.
The following day, aka Monday aka New Year's Eve, Picard
and Bob went back to York to get ready to go out for the
night, while Jon, Jacob, Mike and I went to Mike's former
residence to gather up more of his posessions and transport
them back here and put them in the big room.
Needless to say, Mike is now a welcomed member of the
Sirois household for as long as he wants or needs to be
here. My parents said he could stay as soon as I explained
the situation to them, for which I am grateful. I know
he'll be okay here, obviously. My parents are such great
people, and sometimes I think my friends mean as much to
them as they do to me. I know my mom, if not daddy, as
well, looks upon Kat, Steph, Maria, and Tiff as daughters 3
through 6 and Mike, Jon, Jacob, Norty, Picard, Brian and
Bob as the sons they never knew they didn't want until they
came along. :)
Anyway, on to New Year's Eve...

The night began wonderfully... Kat, Mike, Jacob, Jon and
I went to Bickford's (PTC, if you really give a fuck) and
while we waited for Bob, Bri and Picard, Jacob decided to
shake the nearly full ketchup bottle before putting some on
his home fries. Without warning, I heard Mike yell "Holy
Shit!" right before something flew past my face and
splattered on the table.
I looked at Jacob, who was dripping ketchup, and he even
had it smeared on his neck. For a split second I thought
someone had ripped his throat open.
Note to everyone: make sure the cap is ON the bottle BEFORE
you cover your friends and all their possessions in
condiment... thank you.
Moments after that little mishap, the 3 guys showed up and
we all had some good laughs over smokes, food, and
caffinated beverages before heading to Allie's house. Being
as I was in a surprisingly good mood for some reason, I
paid the tab and out we went.

Cut to Allie's house. I'm gonna try to sum this up a
little, although a lot of great things went on. If you want
to know, really, watch the tape. This is all in random
order, by the way, not that anyone probably remembers how
it all went cause everyone was shitfaced...

Sarah threw up on the couch and passed out in the bathroom.
Nick, Bin, Larissa, and Jess showed up unexpectedly.
Drunken Ping- Pong with Kat.
Calling Bithy "Bitchy" the whole night and having no idea
why she kept yelling "Don't call me that!"
Steph crying on stairs. Don't ask me.
Jon and Allie acting quite cozy and looking adorable
Jon blissfully being happier than I have ever seen him...
adding to my happiness.
Meeting Jon B's new (and old) girlfriend, Emily, who was
Steph turned 18.
Taping everyone's resolutions that no one will be able to
Ended 2001 and began 2002 with great friends and my true
Kiss at midnight.
Blair Witch Project ripoff that somehow ended up being
worse than the real movie, believe it or not.
Flashing the camera. For a change.
Calming down, spending wonderful heavenly time in Bob's
arms, making plans for the future.
Things going wrong.

And here's how they went wrong...

For some time now, I've been having reoccuring chest pains,
which I think I have mentioned before. Anyway, I began
having bad ones but thought nothing of it. Then, all of a
sudden, my heart began feeling funny- I can't decribe it-
and my whole body shook like someone had touched me with a
live wire. Then all my muscles clenched up like a fist
tightly enough to hurt and I started hyperventilating and
my body began thrashing around on the bed, without my
control. I could hear, but it took effort to speak and to
open my eyes. I managed to open them and look at Bob, who
had my hand and was staring at me with a terror- stricken
face. 5 minutes or so later, my body stopped revolting and
my breathing slowed, almost to a stop, as I felt all my
muscles relax. I remember saying "Well, THAT was wierd," to
Bob and we talked for a little bit about what might have
happened, until soon afterwards, I felt strange again and
knew what was going to happen. I began muttering to
myself, "No, please, not again," but of course, that didn't
do any good. My heart began beating madly and my body began
tremoring again. In the middle of this second attack I knew
Bob was freaking out beside me so I told him to leave the
room. He refused and I muttered to him that if my heart was
going to explode, I didn't want him around to see it. Then
I began to cry without warning during my attack and I can't
even begin to describe how I felt, but I was terrified. I
whispered, "I'm scared," and Bob began to cry, clutching me
and whispering "I love you, please don't die," over and
over again while all I could do was lie there and thrash
around uncontrollably, my heart beating madly in my chest
and hoping I wasn't going to meet my end in front of the
man who has made me his life.
This second attack lasted longer and was more severe than
the first, but of course it did end eventually and I tried
my best to calm Bob down, as he was understandably
terrified, thinking I was going to die. To be honest, even
as I did my best to convince him that wouldn't happen, I
was wondering myself.
By this time, we had woken up Jacob and Sarah, Jacob
witnessing some of this second attack and helping me calm
down somewhat.
After a THIRD attack, I finally fell asleep, ending up
curled up like a baby kitten with Jacob, so I am told, as
Bob kept a watch for a while.

When I awoke, Jacob was gone off to work and some others
were up. When I looked at Bob looking at me, I could see in
his eyes the relief of my awakening at all, along with some
fear still- which there was good cause to have, because
before I even got up and out of bed, I was stricken again.
I heard the panic in my boyfriend's voice as he said he
didn't know what to do and don't ask me why, but I gasped
for him to get Mike and Jason or something.
He got them to come over, and as I kiveyed about like an
epileptic, he explained to them what was going on. I
remember that I did manage to open my eyes briefly, and I
saw Mike watching me with a strange look on his face.

After this one was over, we got ready to go, with myself,
Mike, Jon and Steph going in my Death Trap on Wheels. I
asked Mike to drive, although he'd never driven a van
before, but I had the feeling I shouldn't get behind the
wheel with my friends in the car. Good call, because once
we hit route 16 I felt one coming on- the shaking, the
chest tightening, the labored breathing I couldn't slow. I
unhooked my seat belt and locked the door, and was hit with
it a few minutes later, thrashing about in the shotgun
seat, gripping the seat belt and trying to not put my head
through the window. It was relatively short, I think, and
again, I was lathargic afterwards to the point of hardly
breathing. I felt myself drifting and vaguely remember
feeling Jon's fingers under my nose, trying to feel breath.

We all came here, and I was fine for some time; we went to
Wendy's, then dropped off Jon and Steph. I drove the whole
time and was okay. As soon as Mike and I got home, however,
Bob and Jason called, saying they were still frightened
because they thought I had a blood clot on the way to my
brain and they were taking me to the hospital. I told Mom
about it- she apparently thought it was no big deal, and
was more miffed about me missing my appointment last Friday
than anything. I called Bob's cell to tell them not to
bother to come down, Mom didn't want me going, but they
came anyway, and shortly thereafter Mike and Kat left for
Kat's place, where they spent the night. Jacob also came
over, and for a while I was fine. Then, around 8 or 9,
while watching Spaceballs, the most severe one I've had yet
came and Jason went downstairs to get my parents. During
this one, I started sobbing uncontrollably, wailing into my
arms and pillow as I jerked about, clutching Bob's hand in
mine almost hard enough to break his fingers and just
sobbing loud and harsh. I remember looking at Mom and
wanting to say, "Believe me now?" but I couldn't and
wouldn't have, anyway. Daddy called 911 and soon two male
paramedics came, right after my attack ended. I was still
shaking, but I was able to talk to them and one assured me
that it wasn't siezures, as we had thought it was, but a
condition prone to young, lightwieght smokers where the
lining around the lungs becomes inflamed and the muscles
between the ribs get infected- apparently, this was leading
to my chest pains, and for some reason this led to panic
attacks, which was what the spasming, thrashing, and
hyperventilating was. *shrug* I've never had this happen
before New Year's Eve, and I've been having chest pains for
at least a month without this happening- many of them worse
than I was having when this shit started. I suppose I
could get another opinion, because for some reason I just
don't think what the paramedic said is right- but it really
doesn't matter, either way. If they happen, they happen,
and if they don't, they don't- the reasoning really makes
no difference to me. I just hope I don't have one while
driving and get into an accident- I don't really think Bob
could handle a whole lot more worrying about me before
going bonkers.
That is really what made me feel the worst about it. The
poor guy hasn't really slept in three days, and he, Jason
and Jacob spent last night here to watch over me. And he's
been so concerned about my health and my welfare, I'm
afraid his health is going to begin to suffer. It isn't
fair for him to neglect himself to take care of me. I try
to hide when I'm sick or when I hurt from him, but I
obviously couldn't hide all this and he can always tell
anyway, and he always looks so terribly concerned. He loves
me too much, I think... but then again, if what had
happened to me happened to him and I had to watch him,
thinking he was going to die and having nothing I could do-
I would have needed to be sedated. We love each other to a
fault, and all we're concerned about is taking care of each
other, being together, and making each other happy. Really,
we shouldn't have been so scared about my welfare that
night. I won't die anytime soon, and niether will he,
unless we die together... there's no way fate will seperate
us now, not after finally putting us together...

*hackwheeze* alright, my chest hurts and I'm coughing and
can hardly breathe, so I guess I'm heading upstairs to lie
down and hopefully, not pitch yet another fit. Hope to go
back to work tomorrow... let's see how this goes.

Happy New Year, Everyone... may the next 364 days be happy,
healthy, and full of nookie. And thanks to everyone who was
at Allie's for giving me the best ringing in of the new
year of my life.

Current Music: Counting Crows- Anna Begins
Quote of the Day: "A long December, and there's reason to
Maybe this year will be better then the last
I can't remember all
The times I tried to tell myself
To hold on
To these moments as they passed..." - Counting Crows