Me iz Good
Ah, Christmas Break. I get to celebrate the birth of our
Lord and Saviour Santa Claus, and that other guys,
Jesus.....something, I think his last name is Johnson.
While drawing the halo over my head for my parents so that
my materialistic needs are fulfilled, I go on with my
recalcitrant behavior during the nights, which will
eventually lead to my unevitable perdition.
I am enjoying my vacation to the utmost. Sitting around,
having staring contests with my dog and cat, tripping old
people, and of course the time honored tradition of
feeling strong animosity to my fellow man. Sure we love
each other and give the sign of peace in the church, but
if you fucking step infront of my dad's car when he's
trying to barrel out of the parking lot, you'd better hope
that God has an extra cloud waiting for your condemned
ass. Sure the 150 year old "blessed" matriarch of the
church is loving and shakes everyone's hand during the
communion prossesion, but if you step between her and her
designated seat, you're gonna get an ass-whupping that not
even Jesus himself would want to take for you.
All I can do is sit back and watch my family happily open
their presents, my dog tear the new sweater my brother got
into 30 different sweaters, and watch my cat give itself
the electric chair as it diligently chews through the
For some people the holiday stress just really gets to
them. Not me, no sir. What I do when my mom screams at
me to help her with the decorations, I simply take a
hammer and break every window in our house. Not only does
it relieve bent up aggression the shattering noise drowns
out her voice. Sure the supermarkets are crowded but I
take having to do the groceries with a heart as light as
the snow that falls on the pavement. Go ahead Mr. Big Fat
Stupid Pig Headed Father. Get ahead of me inline. I
don't care that you only have 500 items, and I just have
my eggnog. No, no. I forgive and forget. Just like I
forgive myself for forgetting to tell you that I stuffed
your 5 year old child in the frozen food compartment.
See, I handly my stress in a law abiding manner.
I have fallen in love with my atrophying state. I sit in
front of the t.v., in my bed, and with friends. I can
feel my brain just waste away. I don't worry about
accounting, about statistics, about anything. I worry
whether or not I'll have to take a shower after I
accidentally drop the cat litter all over myself while
taking it out, but then realize that I'm on vacation and
put it off for a week.
New Year's eve i spent drunk, in a hot tub. Phew don't get
no better than that. Let me put it this way. I sat at
the DMV for 2 hours today, and didnt' give a damn. It was
just me and myself. I stared straight ahead. For two
hours. I sat down and just went catatonic. Everyone was
freaking out cos of the wait, one guy pulled out a gun and
yelled something, but I was too calm, I just sat and
stared........I love vacation.