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2002-01-02 13:47:14 (UTC)

just woke up. i am so hungry i..

just woke up.
i am so hungry i feel like puking.
and all i want to do is go back to sleep.
i should have been up two hours ago.
but i was too tired for my own good.
i just hope this place isnt too crowded.
i need to keep my schedule as is.
it is perfect.

i am not very happy right now.
i am not thinking about happy things right now.
and im really sad.
very sad.
i know ill go to school and back
and then sleep some more
and wake up
and ill be fine.
but i cant keep using fucking distractions
to assure myself that im good.
when im really not.

i just dont know.

"i need the voice of a good friend"

i need sergio to come back here and talk some fucking sense
into my ever so thick head.
because god recently.
what the FUCK have i been doing.
i dont feel like myself anymore.
i feel like...
some mutated
fucking pathetic little form of myself
and i do not like it.
thats what she said too you know.
and yeah.
now were not even talking.
shes not calling me back
shes just...not calling.
and im over calling her.
i dont like being the one that calls.
especially the ONLY one.
so, its up to her now.
i have done my part.
over and over again.
and im being stubborn and bitchy.
but, thats how i feel right now.

"youre always so strong ashley. i need strong people in my


alright. so. when the fuck did that change.
when the fuck did i change.
and where the fuck have you gone.
i was there with everything.
jesus fucking christ man
we hadnt talked in almost a fucking year.
and you called me.
yeah fucking im TIRED of being the fucking knight in
shinning armor for so many different people.
the world sucks everyone, fucking deal
cuz thats what im doing.
i cant fucking fix everything.
i cant make it better.
and im tired of trying and failing.


im just mad. just mad a lot at the moment.
mad because its early and i have to be awake
and lots of other reasons.

you know.

sometimes i think im tired of being a security blanket.
but yeah
like i said.
go to school come back go to sleep.

and ill be happy sunshine ashley again

so. this is all really pointless im assuming.

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