ViOLeNtLy STaTeD

If I Told U, Would U Hate Me
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2002-01-02 05:52:19 (UTC)

What A Happy Fucking New Year...

Well right now I feel like total shit but there are
many reasons why i do...
Last night i was at a friends house with my
cousin...things were okay at first..then all of a sudden
things changed...it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm
a flirt and sometimes i dont even know that i'm doing it ya
feel me? First of all...if I still love mah ex and i flirt
with someone else does that make me a bad person...second
of all if i dont realize that im flirting with someones ex
till its too late and then i dont think its that bad after
does it give someone the right to order me around...if
someone says something to you does it mean that you can
confide in everyone but the person its about and when they
find out do u have the right to blame the other party for
it...well see the whole point of this is that I flirt and i
dont mean it in any other way...i dont hook up with people
i dont know and i especially wouldnt hook up with someone
close to me's ex thats for damn sure because i was taught
that was wrong and that wasnt being a good friend...those
of you who know me and know that my friends mean more to me
than the world know that i wouldnt do anything like it and
if i had made it seem like i was going to or did you should
know me well enough to know i wasnt going to do that and
had no intention of it ever happening but most of all if you know me
and you heard things about me that were being said you should have
come to me so that i may have a chance to defend myself...yea new
years was last night...normally people would kiss there loved ones or
there close friends at the stroke of twelve but i wasnt
expecting anything and wasnt hoping for anything...i just
wanted to enjoy new years being sober...i got freaked out
when a close friend of mine kissed my forehead so what
would make anyone think that i would want more than that
from anyone else especially since i didnt know half the
people there and the people i did i didnt know well enough
especially the accused party...i did know a few people more than
others and those people still didnt confide in me of what was going
on but im not mad at them because i think most of them are already
suffering enough because of last night and i dont want to make things
harder for them by being a bitch about them not telling me how they
felt...answer me this one question...can flirting be only on ones
part if both parties are contributing?...it takes two to tango and it
takes two to flirt...otherwise its just someone coming on to
someone that doesnt like it and in this matter it didnt in
any way seem like that atleast not from my point of
view...i dont think im wrong for flirting but i know that
it gets me into these situations but its hard for me to
turn it off...i always flirt with my friends simply because
most of my friends tend to be guys and rolly if youre
reading this i do love you but you know me...you accused me
of it too...you accused me of flirting with my best friend chris and
then you felt like a fool when it turned out to be nothing but your
fear of losing me putting shit in your head...im not going anywhere
boo im here always and forever...ill always love you...nothing can
change that...back to the point...i dont associate with many girls
because basically
BITCHES TALK SHIT AND SNITCHES GET THEIR THROATS SLIT
ya feel me...Ive always been a strong believer of
WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND
and i mean that in any way shape or form you can take that
in...im not superstitious yet i believe that, aint that some
shit...anyways though so i tend to chill with the guys...i
understand them and their mentality more...all my guy
friends see me as one of the guys because they come and
talk to me about everything and i listen comfort and help
the best i can plus i always chill with them even if i am the only
girl...I DONT SOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS ONCE AGAIN I
REPEAT I DO NOT SOLVE ANYONES PROBLEMS BUT MINE...so
understand that if you dont know already...I confide in
guys more because they help me out a lot too...bitches well i had a
few good friends that were female but ive beat up most of them
because they run their mouths so i dont trust any females...i've
never really had a problem being upfront with people about
things...certain things can be really hard but usually i
can tell someone whats up to their face and they will
respect me more for doing so but last night a lot was said
about me apparently and i was the last one to find
out...which is wrong in so many ways but one...the fact
that no one really wanted to tell me...when the one person
who did tell me i still at the time didnt think i was in
any way wrong for flirting...i did feel bad at the moment because she
told me she still loved him and i knew it but the person who told me
didnt seem to feel that way and i also knew in my heart and my mind
that the situation and what was going on wasnt even like
that...earlier that night i had confided in someone else i
tend to flirt with that it wasnt like that and it wasnt
going any further because thats not me but apparently i
didnt confide in enough people about how i am and even
though the main person of this knew how i was and knew it
would be nothing more still chose to shit on me if you know
what im sayin...i dont understand i just know that theres
only two reasons why i feel like shit right now and one i
wrote above...it was the first question i stated...about my
ex...the second reason i can not say at this point in
time...other than that all i have to say is...it takes two..and it
didnt mean anything...it would never be anything...and some people
need to get their facts straight before they run their mouths to
the wrong people because bad things happen then and people
who are innocent tend to hurt the most because they are
blamed for shit they didnt even do...think before you say
and if your intoxicated dont say anything because youre not
gonna know what youre saying and when bad things
happen because of what you said you make excuses for your
self like "I didnt remember saying it because I was totally drunk"
im not trying to be mean but its the truth and everyone that knows
about last night knows that...i love you to death dont get me wrong,
if youre reading this, but right now your words are the cause of my
pain...and thats just not fair...because you knew im not like that, i
wouldnt do that, and well i still feel like im the one
being blamed for everything even though i already took the
blame for what i did...im only resposible for me and thats
it...im gonna go my head hurts majorly right now...the
tears are starting to roll...shit i really better go before
i cant see anymore...talk to u later and ill keep u
updated...luv u lots..and to those of you who do really
know me that are reading this please send feedback and let
me know your opinion because I WOULD REALLY FUCKING LIKE TO
HEAR EVERYONES OPINION ABOUT THIS...im out
-Dee


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