Diary of Stuff (Volume I)
A Tale of the Not Too Distant Future -- final, part three of three
(stage goes dark and then is lighted once again. Seated
upon the window sill is a girl, Emeel.)
Dragane: (entering from the left, talking to himself)
Such a strange play, such a strange title. Whoever heard
of a play titled "No Shadow for Staff Sergeant
Solnose"...? Hmmmmmm.....Oh! What's this? Who are you?
Servant. Arrrrrggghhhh! DWARF!
Servant: (runs in from the left) Yes, your eminence?
Dragane: Who is this girl seated at my window?
Servant: But, my king, this is the girl who you told me to
Dragane: (examining girl for the first time) Ahhhhhh,
yes, yes, of course. You, (pointing finger at the servant)
get out of here.
Dragane: Well well well, my fair pretty, what, by chance,
is your name?
Emeel: (still looking out into the night) My name is
Emeel, and your toadying slave found me lying outside on
the shore of your moat.
Dragane: Outside my moat? What were you doing there?
Emeel: I came to your wretched castle for some food, but
was greeted only with cold indifference.
Dragane: Did he, ahhhh, put you through any test?
Emeel: (faces the king) None that I remember, although he
did warn me to try not to faint at the tiniest tinkling of
gold, and also not to salivate at the merest mention of the
Dragane: (shaking) Why that little... I'll kill him!
I'll kill him! No. Better yet, I'll have him shrunk to
1/128th my height and have him exterminated! Where is he!
Emeel: Please, your lordship, I am not interested in your
greedy possessions. I will be your queen, but only on one
Dragane: Yes, yes, name it. Just name it.
Emeel: You must procure a rose for me every morning when I
sit next to you on my throne.
Dragane: (surprised) Is that all? Only a rose? Ha! Why
not a dozen, or two dozen!
Emeel: Please, just a single rose on top of a single
thorned stem. That is all, and I will be your queen.
Dragane: Great! Hey, care for some dinner? We've got
some glazed chicken and roast pig laying about somewhere.
(the stage goes dark once again and the narrator booms out)
Narrator: And so it was that grayless night when King
Dragane ordered all of his minions throughout his castle to
find a gardener, one that specialized in the caring and
nurturing of roses. Soon, one was found, but his name
remained a mystery to all, for none knew it. So, on a
whim, as was the nature of King Dragane, the name
of 'Gardener' was bestowed upon the gardener.
(stage lights up again and Dragane is pacing around the
stage, talking to Emeel who is sitting at the window)
Dragane: That gardener, Gardener, is so weird. I saw him
in his little shack that I so gracefully let him borrow,
and I was told how his rose garden flourishes. My servants
tell me that he walks along the rows and rows of those rose
bushes at exactly midnight every night and waters them with
his tears. What do you make of this, my fair pretty, my
future queen of roses and not of my own personal riches?
Emeel: (looking out into the night and speaking through
clenched teeth) King, I do not know what to make of him,
although I have noticed a certain grayish quality about him.
Dragane: You, too? I thought it was my magnificent eyes
playing tricks on me. I'm starting to see a lot of gray
lately. You know what, I think it's his skin and clothing
that gives him that grayish quality you noticed. His skin
is kind of gray, and his ragged clothes are gray.
Emeel: (jaws relaxed now, she lifts her sleeve up as if to
stifle a yawn) You may be right, my king. (slides her
sleeve across her mouth)
Dragane: (still glancing at the floor) Hmmmmmm, I know,
I'll summon him here now, to answer our questions. How's
that for a kingle gesture! Serv--uh, dwarf. Dwarf!
Servant: (runs in from left) Yes, your king.
Dragane: Go fetch me our new gardener, Gardener, got it?
Servant: Yes, your royal king. (exits)
Dragane: I tell you, Emeel, I must do something about
those slaves. They just don't know when to respond to my
call. Maybe a pot of boiling water and-- (a small pouch of
coins falls accidentally out of Dragane's robes and hits
Emeel: Oh! (collapses and falls out of the window and
into the night)
Dragane: Oh, uh, oops. (bends over to pick up the pouch)
Uh, didn't mean to startle you, but I carry at least a
pouchful of gold with me at all times. Ummm, in case of
emergencies, you know. You know? Emeel? (turns around to
the window) Emeel! Where have you gone? (searches
frantically everywhere and then runs to the window and
stares out beyond) Oh Emeel, my beloved, what has taken
you? What foul beast of this grayish night has snatched
you from my windowsill and taken you as its food? Oh
Emeel, what can I do to ease your pain? Oh Emeel, oh
Emeel, oh Emeel...
Servant: (walks in with Gardener) Ahem! My lord, this is
the gardener, Gardener.
Dragane: (composing himself) Oh, uh, servant, fly your
butt out of here, and Gardener, you... you, I won't need
your services anymore, for my precious Emeel has been
abducted by an unspeakable evil and I must ready my forces
to rescue her.
Gardener: (throwing aside his ragged clothing and
revealing resplendent garments complete with a glittering
gray cloak) Enough of this facade!
Dragane: (wide-eyed shock) Y-Y-Your're all gray!?
Servant: (wide-eyed shock and running around annoyingly on
stage) Prince Gray! Lord of Scorn! Bringer of Despair!
Run! Everyone run! Everyone move about in abject horror!
Flee! (finally passes out and falls loudly onto the stage)
Gray: That is right, King Hubris, I am Gray, the
Despoiler. I have watched you through many eyes, and I
have seen you through many nights. Don't bother about your
precious Emeel, for she is slowly sinking in the murky
depths of your purposeful moat.
Dragane: But that creature, that creature with huge wings
swept my Emeel off the sill and carried her back to its
Gray: There was no creature, you damn fool! It was the
sound of your precious gold striking the ground that caused
her to fall--she fainted.
Dragane: (going into hysterics) No! No! That cannot be,
not my future queen!
Gray: There will be no queen for you, you disgusting
composite of arrogance and avarice! Your fleshy cage can
bear your corrupted soul no longer! In response to such
foolishness at playing a typical politician, I now condemn
you to a piece of glass. No ordinary square or rectangular
piece, but one of many thousand jagged edges to protrude
into your soul. Now how's that for a scornful gesture!
(laugh fades as stage slowly dims and then all is dark.
When the lights come back again, we see what resembles a
stained glass window propped up on the stage. it is all of
the same color, gray, and the edges of each piece of glass
is etched out in black)
Narrator: As the servant retold the tale throughout the
kingdom of what happened to King Dragane, the vaults of
Arth were broken wide open and its treasures evenly
distributed among the citizens. The body of Emeel was
never found, and some even speculated that she was indeed
carried off by some huge winged creature. The servants
eventually regained their normal heights from good
nutrition and daily exercise and the people that remained
lived out the rest of their meager existence in quiet and
peace. As for the king himself, he was transformed into a
single piece of glass and fitted next to a thousand
others. Prince Gray, also known as the Lord of Scorn,
named the whole product of all those small pieces of glass
simply as 'Glass.' And as promised, King Dragane existed
eternally as a pane in the Glass.