bluesubtonic

new year rave, and a major guilt trip

let's see...where do i start? i've always wanted to go to a
rave for new year's eve. but my best friends had other
plans. anh came from texas and she's only gonna be here for
a little while, so i decided i would take her to the rave
as a present and whatnot. at the last minute she told me
she can't go. and i've already told my amanda that i
wouldn't be going to alixa's for new year. first of all, i
don't want to make alixa's house a party house for all my
occasions. i mean i had fun there during thanksgiving and
the other times that we got together, but i don't want to
use other people's houses for my fun, especially if the
idea wasn't mind and i don't want to be obligated into
going and not having fun myself. i would love to hang out
with them otherwise, but there mind was set on having it at
alixa's. i talk to tammy a lot about it...and i think she's
sick of hearing it too. it's kind of like i'm rubbing it in
her face because she can't go. i feel really bad. i wish i
had stopped talking to her about it before i went. i wanted
to tell her happy new years before i went but her cousin
insisted on calling her. so i wanted to say goodbye but the
situation turned bad when i kinda rubbed it in a little
more...i didn't mean to do it, it just came out that way.
well, i headed for springfield all on my lonesome. i found
my way to the asylum just fine and i parked at the same
spot i had parked the other three times i was in
springfield. i stood in line in the freezing cold with just
a turtleneck on. and i met some really awesome peeps. jess
and john were both hot and i got to hang out with them for
the rest of the night. and some people from albany were
there too. and there's this really crazy girl who only wore
a t-shirt, i gave my sweater for her to wear...she looked
like she needed it more than i did. so she wore it. well,
the night went on. i rolled...really hard and had a lot of
fun. at midnight i kissed jess. she's hot and she's a great
kisser. hehe. and john gave me an awesome massage, i gave
him one too. i told him i liked him...he said he had
girlfriend. no biggy. we still hung out really close for
the rest of the night though. they're awesome dancers too.
one of the fight-dances that john and i did was so much
fun. and then my leg had to cramp up. which sucked because
it incapacitated me. well. megan and her friends left
first. then jess and john left. then i left. but the night
was awesome and the music was awesome. and i went home and
went straight to bed. but it was awful that i didn't hang
out with amanda...but i don't regret going to the rave. i
don't want to tell amanda that anh didn't go to the rave
and that i went alone. she jumps to conclusion and it would
really offend her. very much. so i'm left with a guilt in
me, i don't know what to do now though. but i had fun
raving while they drank and smoked (i don't like to do
either) and being at alixa's house just faned me away. but
i hope they had fun. especially tammy. well that's all i
have for now. i guess i'll write more later. er. well, ciao
babe.