puck

The New Year

Wow..what a year.

What looked like such a great year ended in such disaster.
I probably was the happiest and most depressed all in one
this year. Sadly, I am at the latter of this emotional
roller coaster.

So today I have a theological discussion about why bad
things happen to people. I was asking my friend why is God
punishing me with this heart disease. My religious friend
replies that God doesnt want to punish me..he wants to help
me...and that my heart disease is a result of mans sins....
Does this logic not make sense? Or is it just me? Why is
God always good and right..and when bad things happens it
is our fault? And why is man punishing me? I haven't done
much to deserve this. This will probably be a burning
questions till I die....

So..I spent new years by myself for the first time. All my
friend left me..but I guess I told em to leave me. I got
offered to go to parties, but I respectfully declined. Who
wants to ring in the new year with a 24 year old sickly
man...plus...I had a bad feeling about going out tonight.

Every year, I think things can't get worse.....and I
thought this year finally was the turning pt. I mean....I
survived the layoffs at work...I got a fat raise....and I
was having a good time clubbing and meeting girls....then I
stopped going clubbing......and then I got a raise (a good
thing) but a week later..I find out I have heart
disease..how sick is that. It seems like I cant put a
consecutive good streak together. I'll always remember the
time when Daphnie told me in May..that that was the
happiest she had ever seen me. At that time..I realized
that I was really happy. It was a great feeling.....being
in the moment..and being able to step back and
go...damn..life is pretty good....cuz...its human nature to
only step back during the bad times and go..damn life
sucks...the pesimisst that us humans are.

Im gonna try to write in this everyday.
My new hobby. :)

1/1/01 12:40