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2002-01-01 05:54:56 (UTC)

Life's Got to Change

I review the past year and I take in consideration all of
the bad and the good. I feel very blessed but things must
change. I do not know if I want to make resolutions
everyone is so critical of them. We will never follow

I have never felt this way before. I have never been this
big before. I know that I do not like me so it is hard for
me to see how my husband does. I keep feeling as if he is
cheating on me because he can not be satisfied with me. I
know it has a lot to do with how I feel about me. I guess,
it is my self-esteem. If I am not pleased with me, I can
not see how anyone else would be. Instead of me driving
him crazy with all the questions and doubt, I figured I
would do something about first. I know that I can be
better and I want it. I know that if you want something bad
enough, you can achieve it. I am very blessed to be well
portioned in my weight or I would really be in trouble, my
height plays a role also. I need to lose 80 pounds. Wow,
I thought it was more than that - this is definately
obtainable. I belong to two gyms one is next door to my
job. I can walk right there. I have worked out for 45
minutes shower and back to work in one hour and 5 minutes.
This is done during lunch and it also allows me to get out
of the office, I feel good about myself and relieve stress
that comes from home and the office. I am afraid to make
this a resolution but I am going to pray tonight that this
is something that the Lord helps me with.

I know what to eat and how to lose it. I do not have
everything together but I believe I can do.

I will make sure that I spend some time in prayer
everyday. It saddens me to know that God all these things
for me but I give him very little time. I am suppose to be
an example for and to others but I am ashamed about this.

I can not believe that I make the money that I do and in so
much debt. I will work on this.

1. I will lose the weight
2. I will pray more.
3. I will become more prudent in my spending so that my
family will be ok.
4. Not just for me but I have to feel that I am attractive
to my husband, others may tell me but it needs to be from
it is New Years Eve and he is down stairs sleep and I am
up here. I never thought in a million years that this is
how it would be. I am hurt but it shows me very much how
our decisions can effect our whole lives.