Another lost soul

Caste Shadows
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2001-12-31 23:11:09 (UTC)


You know, after feeling so terribly sad and lonely last
night, it seems strange to suddenly be okay again.
Actually, by the time I went to write what I did last night,
I wasn't really feeling sad anymore. I guess I can finally
start to take care of myself again.

Why am I so attracted to Whitney? One minute I am having
total doubts about her and the next I am falling all over
her. Its so... wierd. Its like I'm a mouse going through
one of those mazes, I have to get shocked before I can eat
the food. But the food is soooo good... its worth the
shock. My mind works in funny ways. I was almost convinced
that I would be better off without Whitney... but then I
talk to her again and I can't imagine why. I've never known
anyone like her before and I can never get enough. I get
that tingle in my chest again just thinking about her...
ugh, I don't want that. I need to see Taylor and fast.
Hopefully she will be there tonight. I need to see her very
badly. I need to stop feeling this way when I'm around
Whitney... oh, but its so good. I gotta stop. No more. I
need to focus on Tay... she'll be with me in the long run.

Whitney showed me something she wrote last night.
Apparently she was feeling crappy too. Well, even though
she doesn't think so, I know how she feels. But I also know
that I can break that feeling because it isn't over for me
yet. She thinks it will end with me too. She's blinded by
her own situation though. I can understand why. But what
she wrote... she said it herself that she hates Tony for
what he's done to her, yet she can't let go. And apparently
he's away on some cruise and she completely misses him.
Well at least she gets to see him on a regular basis. At
least she knows he's coming back. Well I don't doubt that
part anymore. I know my Tay will come back to me. Its just
that we hardly get to see each other. I'm lucky if I get to
see her once a month. That will all change with time. When
she gets older, we can be together.

And Tiff... doesn't seem to care anymore. But I can't worry
about it. I've done all I can.

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