Borrowed Light
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2001-12-31 11:03:38 (UTC)

New Years Eve

well i told you i wouldnt be updating this for a while and
i didnt, now i have a fair bit to tell you all... well ill
start with the most entertainung news i guess. me and josh
had a huge fight on wednesday night. we stayed over his
house for a video night, i really didnt want to go because
me and josh never get along at sleepovers but he
practically begged me so i stayed. he was being really mean
to me all night and i just ignored it until about 2 am
until i got tired and snappy, and when he told me to "shut
up because im dumb and dont know what im talking about" (we
were talking about fight club and id just read the book and
seen the movie so i did!) i said josh "get out of your bad
mood" and he exploded and went into this whole spiel
calling me every name under the sun. i said to you want me
to go, he said yeah fine get out, so i went outside. rob,
jo, jen and beck came after me and no one stayed inside
with josh so he got all pissed of. i was really upset by
the time everyone caught up, like literally in tears upset,
he was so horrible and he just picked apart my whole life
it was horrible. anyway i got convinced to go back inside,
where we found josh sulking, jo stuck up for me and josh
got cut and went to his room. i tried to repair things by
going in there and saying 'come back out, im prepared to be
nice and stuff for everyone elses sake" he then started
yelling me again and saying im a manipulating little bitch
and that i have joe wrapped around my finger and that its
only because of me they fight, and im screwing up his life.
i said josh were inviting you back out there just get over
it. he said i dont need a fucking invitation onto my own
loungeroom and i said sorry for trying josh and went to
walk out. just as i was leaving he goes "you think your so
smart and matture sam using big words and acting 18, but
your not i see straight through you, your an immature and
dumb little girl. obviously after that i wasnt happy.
he came back out eventually and had a bourbon and coke
claiming to be "depressed" he then pretended to be drunk
for the remainder of the night... the thing that pisses me
off though is i stayed at kels last night and so did
everyone else but because her and josh were fighting he
didnt get invited so he found out and started abusing her,
but then an hour later he rang doing the whole im so sorry
spiel, im so depressed, life is os hard. i dont have
tolerance or time for bullshit people like that, it may
seem harsh but he's a wanker, i wish i had finger power to
write here all the stuff he said...

apart from that its been a pretty ok time, i got my bass
for christmas! yay! and its actually not that hard to
learn. im so over the whole festive thing, this is
officially my 3rd new years in a row all alone. im not
upset just alittle disappointed. it seems everyone kinda
made plans around me after wet n wild got cancelled because
of rain. sure i hope they are having fun but i just feel a
little rejected... its wouldnt be so bad if they all did
individual things but they are together. round 2 to josh i

the best and most weirdest thing happened to me the other
day. i was just sitting in the car thinking and for about 5
seconds it was like i wasnt in my life anymore, i was
outside it looking in and it was so weird, because i wasnt
thinking my thoughts anymore... its hard to explain, it
wasnt like i was my spirit looking in on me, it was just
like i was nobody, or nothing, it was so cool and strange...

me and joe have been getting scarily close lately, at sleep
overs and stuff we have been really cuddly and stuff, and i
dont really want to be but i dont want to shut him down, im
not even sure it means anything and closness is nice
sometimes i just hope noone gets hurt. hopefully he hooks
up with beck tonight.

anyway i gotta go, ive seen so many good movies lately i
have to write about...


what happens if thier is rocks ahead?
im sure we will all be dead
stop with these rhyming games i mean it.
would anybody like a peanut?
--the princess bride

Tyler Durden: "OK: any historic figure."
Narrator: "I'd fight Gandhi."
Tyler Durden: "Good answer."
Narrator: "How about you?"
Tyler Durden: "Lincoln."
Narrator: "Lincoln?"
Tyler Durden: "Big guy, big reach. Skinny
guys fight 'til they're burger."

that brings me to a question, all of my readers who would
you fight? im finding the urge to beat the crap out of
someone lately not cause of the movie ive always have these
urges when i get frustrated, and it just builds up and
builds up....the only problem is i have noone to fight..

Jim: Just my own naked self and the stars breathing down,
it's beautiful. -- the basketball diaries

Jim Carroll: You're growing up. And rain sort of remains on
the branches of a tree that will someday rule the Earth.
And it's good that there is rain. It clears the month of
your sorry rainbow expressions, and it clears the streets
of the silent armies... so we can dance-- basketball diaries

Brew's praying bothered me. It wasn't that I minded him
being religious, it was just that I didn't want him being
closer to God than I was. - - Walter Dean Myers, Fallen

lots o quotes today guys havent posted any goodies in ages!

p.s. the wet n wild fire works are going off at my house
right now and i just got so fucking pissed off and angry at
life and friends and the world and i have no i dea why.
funny how things trigger things hey? i wish i was a firework, shining
for a few seconds then vanishing forever. in a way on a long enough
time line i guess soem people are. not me though, i dont think.