2001-12-31 09:00:44 (UTC)

December 30th

Well it's been really wierd since Christmas I guess...
today is the one year mark of when I started going out with
the ex... so it's kind of wierd. I went out with the guy
that likes me and I think I'm starting to like him. It was
fun going out with him, i'm starting to find him attractive
and stuff, wouldn't have minded kissing him goodbye if his
friend weren't in the car. But i'm worried cuz it's not as
good as it was with the ex, i'm not as excited or starry
eyed or anything.. which isn't good. BUt i think it's
partly to do with having been treated so badly that I'm not
getting too involved in things.. I'm not very trusting of
people and everything. I don't know that I would allow
myself to get all starry-eyed.. but I dont wanna lead this
guy on either. I don't wanna be like "yeah, well i acted
just like my ex, and went out with you just cuz i wanted a
bf and i didn't particularly like you much, but i thought i
I hate this. I wanna become a nun. That stupid jerk has me
all fucked up in the head. Dating is fucked up.
I don't enjoy this. He's nice, I like him, I just don't
like him lots. I don't know when I should like him lots by,
and I don't think I'd have the heart to brush him off
either... I'd feel bad brushing him off too cuz i've been
wanting a bf for so long and then this prefectly good guy
comes along liking me and i'm not interested. I feel like a
bitch or something. ARGH