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2001-12-31 04:54:12 (UTC)


Hi this is my first online diary. one of my friends
suggested it. i'm going through a lot of things right now.
this has been a terrible year. and i just need help and
advise really bad.
To start off in April i was diagosed with Asthma.
thats not to bad except for the line of work i'm going into
which is cosmotology. In may two days before my 18th
birthday i was raped and assaulted pretty bad. in june i
got a secure case of mono and almost died. then in
september one of my best friends died in a car crash. So
right now i'm like going crazy inside. if u knew me u
would know that i'm not one to cry about my problems. i'm
friendly love to have fun and joke around, and help people
with there problems. but right now this is way to much for
me. i don't know what to do. all i want to do is cry and
cry. i don't know how to get passed my friends death and
the rape, im constantly haunted by it. i always feel like
i need to show a happy face and be all jokenling. and i
have a bad habbit of pushing my problems aside. cuz i'm
afraid to deal with them. but now i know if i don't deal
with them i'm going ot get worse its going ot get harder.
im just tired of always trying ot be happy inside when im
dying inside. so if anyone can give me any advice please
do. cuz i need it!!

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